Wednesday, December 10, 2014

To speak or not to speak......

At this time of year, hopefully, we take the time to appreciate all the little things in our lives. Three of those things for me are my children and even though I complain here and there, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the life that I have been given and for all that has been provided for me. I am thankful for my loving friends and family and I am thankful that so far..... my kids have kept the straight and narrow (or so I believe).

Like many of you, I have waited in anticipation for this period in my life, where I would have the "dreaded" teenager, but so far I've been spared the heartache and frustration that seems to plaque these teenage years.

As parents we all try very hard to make sure we raise our children the right way. We give them opportunities we never had. We buy them things we never dreamed of. We encourage them with love and support, helping them when they fall and praising them when they succeed.

But let me ask you well do we really know them? These mini-mes.... these carbon copies of us?

I have always prided myself in thinking that I "know" my daughter and that she would never do anything wrong. I also thought that all my friends enjoyed this same type of security  -- of "knowing" what our kids were up to. However, recent events have shattered this apparent false sense of security and now I find myself in strange waters.

So let me pose a question to you....

If you found out (from your daughter) that a friend's child has not followed the path of the straight and narrow and has engaged in inappropriate behaviors, would you tell her?

Would you say something, knowing that the child has already been deemed by her peers as wanton and licentious?

Would you say something, knowing that by doing so, you are also breaking the trust and confidence that your daughter has placed in you?


Would you hold your tongue?

I have asked this question to some of my friends and I find people falling into two categories.

One group feels that since the events occurred in the past, I should leave it alone and hope that the child is now in a better place. They feel that by divulging the "secret" at this point in time, there is no upside. I could potentially incur the wrath of my friend (because she may not believe me), cause a rift between my friend and her child, destroy my daughter's friendship and in the end I could also lose the trust and confidence my own daughter has placed in me and cause us to drift apart.

The other group feels that I should say something no matter the cost, while trying to minimize the potential backlash towards my daughter and hope that all will work out.

What are your thoughts?

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? If so, what did you do?

How would you feel if this were your child?