Busy little bee.....

For those who know me, you know that I love to stay busy. For the past 11 years I have been doing everything I could for the local schools. I've been on several parent teacher boards as well as a few years as trustee and President for the local Education Foundation.

With all of this, I have realized that I don't want to go back to my career as a pharmacist, but continue on the path of working with Non-profits and making a difference in the lives of others.

A few years back a good friend of mine, Scott Clinton of Scott Clinton Photography, told me about an organization that he was helping The Sandbox.

I had reached out to the Executive Director, Mara Campolungo, awhile back and we just recently hooked up again and I'm happy to say that we are working on bringing The Sandbox here to the New Jersey.

This organization helps put a smile on the faces of children with cancer and life altering diseases and it is an honor to have the opportunity to help them make a difference in the lives of others. I will keep you posted as to how things are going. In the meantime, check out the video below to see what they are about.

Dig deep and join us in The Sandbox!

If you would like to get involved, please contact me! We can truly help make a difference.

To speak or not to speak......

At this time of year, hopefully, we take the time to appreciate all the little things in our lives. Three of those things for me are my children and even though I complain here and there, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the life that I have been given and for all that has been provided for me. I am thankful for my loving friends and family and I am thankful that so far..... my kids have kept the straight and narrow (or so I believe).

Like many of you, I have waited in anticipation for this period in my life, where I would have the "dreaded" teenager, but so far I've been spared the heartache and frustration that seems to plaque these teenage years.

As parents we all try very hard to make sure we raise our children the right way. We give them opportunities we never had. We buy them things we never dreamed of. We encourage them with love and support, helping them when they fall and praising them when they succeed.

But let me ask you this....how well do we really know them? These mini-mes.... these carbon copies of us?

I have always prided myself in thinking that I "know" my daughter and that she would never do anything wrong. I also thought that all my friends enjoyed this same type of security  -- of "knowing" what our kids were up to. However, recent events have shattered this apparent false sense of security and now I find myself in strange waters.

So let me pose a question to you....

If you found out (from your daughter) that a friend's child has not followed the path of the straight and narrow and has engaged in inappropriate behaviors, would you tell her?

Would you say something, knowing that the child has already been deemed by her peers as wanton and licentious?

Would you say something, knowing that by doing so, you are also breaking the trust and confidence that your daughter has placed in you?

Or......

Would you hold your tongue?

I have asked this question to some of my friends and I find people falling into two categories.

One group feels that since the events occurred in the past, I should leave it alone and hope that the child is now in a better place. They feel that by divulging the "secret" at this point in time, there is no upside. I could potentially incur the wrath of my friend (because she may not believe me), cause a rift between my friend and her child, destroy my daughter's friendship and in the end I could also lose the trust and confidence my own daughter has placed in me and cause us to drift apart.

The other group feels that I should say something no matter the cost, while trying to minimize the potential backlash towards my daughter and hope that all will work out.

What are your thoughts?

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? If so, what did you do?

How would you feel if this were your child?

You're the One That I Want!

Last night was amazing. My youngest was in another drama production and boy was it fun!

Squid (No, I'm not that mean.....it's her nickname....really!) participated in Willie Wilson's TAG production of Grease!

That's right greasers......Danny, Rizzo, Kenickie, Sally, Frenchy & Marty were back on stage live last night at the AMBS theatre.

Who did Squid play....well Marty Maraschino of course!

I have to say that I knew she loved to act, but after last night, I will never say that half heartedly. That girl was so animated and......just wow..... fantastic kiddo!

yes.....I'm a proud mama...can't help it!

As I watched her perform, I was completely mesmerized. How in the world did she snap her head with that sassy attitude and not get whiplash? I think I gave her too much chocolate on Easter....

We were also very excited for her because she managed to land a solo called Freddie My Love (very cute song - I believe it's from the Broadway version of Grease). Needless to say, she practiced every single day and knew the song inside and out. So, when she got ready to sing on stage.....we all held our breath. She was great. Although she did get her lines mixed up a little, she kept singing and ended perfectly with a beautiful note. Her poor brother was so nervous for her, he couldn't even watch....in fact he wanted to leave during her solo but my husband wouldn't let him.

I have to say that ALL the actors and I mean it....ALL of them did an amazing job. They all knew their lines....they sang beautifully and the dance moves were perfect! Watch out Broadway....we've got some up and coming stars!!

I'm a total Grease lover and I was bopping in my chair singing along.....it was a wonderful production.

Woven Words

For those that know me, you probably realize by now that I love to write, be it poetry.....blog posts....and even children's books ~ (I self-published one....my friends & family all liked it....although I hope it wasn't out of pity....)

I have decided to take this passion for poetry and writing to add another feature post to my blog. Here on Woven Words, I will post my attempts at poetry. I have decided to keep the style of poetry open so that I can try my hand at various things....branch out and explore....see where it leads me.

Today's poem falls under the style of Found Poetry. I was inspired to write this in order to do my little part in helping out a cause that I believe in.

Please click on the poem to view in larger screen.

Malala by Jules

Inspiration:

I mentioned Malala a few weeks back right before I went to see the screening for Girl Rising.

Her story, as well as stories of other girls that were depicted in Girl Rising, has made me that much more aware of the pressing issues surrounding the need to educate and help women and girls around the world. Right at this moment the United Nations is working with Johnson & Johnson, The Huffington Post, Baby Center and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to inspire people to help improve the lives of  mothers and their children.

I decided to write this poem using the words of Alyse Nelson in her article that she wrote as part of the Global Mom Relay. If you get a chance, please click on her name and read her post and help by sharing her article.

We can all be an agent for change by doing one simple act.....all you have to do is share a Relay Post on Facebook, Twitter or Email. Or, if you want, donate $5 or more.

For every share or donation, up to $8000 per day or $500,000 total will be donated by Johnson & Johnson and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to one of the various programs that are currently established to help women and children around the world. These include initiatives such as Girl Up, Mobile Alliance for Maternal Action (MAMA), Shot@Life campaign and the Global Alliance for Clean Cookstoves.

Learn more here:  UN Foundation site for Global Mom Relay

I hope you enjoyed my poem!

Geeks Rule the World

So, it's been over a week since I wrote this post and I've had some time to edit and contemplate if I should or should not post it.

Obviously, you're now reading this, so here we go.....

Let's talk about an issue that strikes a cord with many of us. No, it's not religion and it's not politics....well at least not politics as in the who's ruling our country thing....but more like "politics" as in who's ruling our schools.

You see...today, like every other day, I was driving my son to school....and  like every other day, I tried to give a little motherly advice. I like to use this precious time I have with the kids to administer a little "word to the wise", with the sincerest hope that it will help them deal with various issues that might arise during the course of the day -- and believe me, there are a lot of issues in middle school.

So, this brings me to why I am writing this post. I'm a bit annoyed at myself. As I drove towards the school and started my little "talk", I was instantly shocked with what was coming out of my mouth. The advice I was giving was not at all what I believed in and I couldn't fathom why I would even suggest this to my child. (in retrospect, my "advice" stemmed more from fear/worry) What did I say? Well, read on.

Now, my son is an artistic and a fairly smart kid. He is as skinny as skinny can be, non-athletic and just down right......"geeky" as he would call himself. He knows he has weaknesses, but most importantly, (and I love this about him) he knows he has strengths....he knows himself and he is comfortable with who he is.

My son...I wish I could see the world through his eyes

Luckily and surprisingly, my son really has not be been "bullied" according to him. He has had a few run ins with certain kids, but nothing major - yet. However, because of those incidences, calls from the school and information that was shared with me in confidence by other mothers regarding their kids -- I basically told my son, on that car ride to school, that when it comes to the bullies, "I want you to ignore them and mind your own business"? Say WHAT? .....slap-slap-slappity-slap-slap!

Ugh! Really? Did I really just say that?

I have always taught my kids to try and stay above the fray. But, now it seems more like resignation and defeat:

If they push you, just be the better person....
If they call you names, just try and ignore them.....
If you see kids doing something they shouldn't, stay out of it.....
If they...
If they...
If they...

Well, truth be told, part of me wishes I told him - If they bother you, I want you to...

STOP them!
PUSH back!
FIGHT back!

Yea! That's right!...shuffle-shuffle-punch-punch....take that and that and that! 

Let them know that you are not afraid and you will stand up for yourself.

My only hesitation with this plan is that when kids do fight back (and I've seen this happen), they end up being the ones reprimanded....they are either singled out in front of the whole class (which makes things worse),  called down to the Principal's office or in some cases suspended. For what?? For finally taking a stand, while the bullies don't even get a slap on the wrist.

So, what are we teaching our kids?

Is this fair or just? What should I be telling my kids? Should I be telling them to turn the other cheek? Shouldn't I be telling them to fight and stand up for themselves and others like them?

My son has only been occasionally picked on and it hasn't really bothered him too much. I think it bothers me more. We are lucky that he is confident in himself and that he embraces his geekiness, despite what the bullies might say or do. But, I can't help wondering if I need to rethink my advice.

It seems like such a hard line to walk....fight - don't fight.... what do you do?

What have you done to help your children cope with injustice in the school hallways?

How have they learned to deal with bullies and what suggestions might you have?

But, all is not lost. Recently, I heard that there was a study that came out showing that when bullies grow up, they end up working for the so called "geeks and nerds". So, in the grand scheme of things..... the bullies may rule the schools but the Geeks Rule the World.

**update **


It must have been fate, but as I was writing this post, I came across a very powerful and amazing poem/video by Shane Koyczan. This is a very moving and inspirational.

Don't Pass on Family Time

Originally,  I was going to post a segment on my ever so adorable and well behaved (cough..cough) kids. Well, at least that was the plan as of yesterday morning, but as the day went on and I realized that soon I would be getting into a car and driving into the neighboring state for a short getaway with the family, I had a feeling that I would need to vent....just a little...a teensy weensy, itty bitty vent session.

Now, before I go on, let me say this loud and clear.... I love my husband and I appreciate all the sacrifices that he has made to provide for our family. (The poor guy works all the time and I am damn lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. I love you, hon.) But, why...shake, shake, shake of the head... when planning a "family" vacation break.... do I now find myself sitting in a casino in the Poconos?

Yes, we took our kids to a gambling establishment.

Is it too early to register my kids for Gamblers Anonymous? Seriously.

All 3 kids had to wear bands so people knew they were under 21
Is it really that hard to figure out?

I know, we are not the easiest to please - with two young teenagers constantly bickering with each other, an energetic eight year old (who always forgets to use her indoor voice) and a wife who secretly (okay, maybe not so secretly) wishes she could just run away - how would one find the perfect solution to a short getaway?

My poor husband took on this very task of trying to get us all excited about the break. Unfortunately for him, we were not cooperating. He asked each of us what we wanted to do and we all responded with the same generic, "I don't care." Which, by the way, really means...

"I don't want to do anything, I'm perfectly happy staying at home, in my pjs, insert your favorite pastime."

Answers:

Oldest kid - vegging out in front of the TV and sleeping
Middle kid - sitting in front of the computer and watching Youtube
Youngest kid - sitting next to my brother, in front of the computer, watching Youtube
me - sleeping...just let me sleep!

With our complete apathy for this "coveted" break, we left my poor husband, who's in dire need of a vacation, feeling...well, needless to say, and rightly so.....a bit annoyed.

So annoyed, he decided to take a Groupon deal to a nearby resort and casino and voila! Here we are.

.....hmmmm.....thinking...thinking...thinking.

Okay. It's really not that bad. In all honesty, it wasn't a totally ill conceived plan. We are staying in a nice hotel with spacious rooms and the food has been good (I totally pigged out - chocolate milkshake, california burger and fries) and apparently there's skiing and snow tubing nearby.

It's really not where we are, but rather who we are with (ugh, that sounds so cliché - but it's true).

So, kudos to my dear husband, who was only trying to get us to do something together.

This only makes up for the fact that we are not somewhere warm.....YUMMY!
The best chocolate shake I've had in years.

Family time is family time!

Next time, when you find yourself somewhere that just isn't your cup of tea, remember this:

It doesn't matter if you are sitting at home in your comfy pjs or out in a smoke filled casino, with the lights flashing and the constant ringing of the slot machines...this is valuable time you have together as a family. Embrace it.

....now, if you will please excuse me, I need to show the kids how to play the pass line.

A Relaxing Jam-Packed Summer

Summer is just around the corner...and thank God for that...I’ve been counting down the days until my kids are off from school so we can all relax. Haven’t you?

This has been a very long year and somewhat depressing with winter refusing to give up control for so long. However, now that we’ve made it through the cold and dreary months, we can happily pack away the jeans and jackets and throw on a pair of shorts and tank top—or a sundress if you’re like me — to soak up the sun and reenergize.

But, before I can fully relax, there is one more thing I must do....and that is to get the summer schedule set. WHAT?! Summer schedule are you kidding me??

Listen, maybe it’s the mini Tiger mom in me (mind you, I said mini) but, I can’t just have the kids sit at home ALL day and not have something other than computer games to keep them stimulated. I want them to get out and do things that they normally don’t have time to do...such as cutting the grass, walking the dog, weeding the garden, cleaning the garage...oh wait, that’s my list. In all seriousness, although summer is the time to relax, it is also a good time for learning and development.

Now, I’m not the mom who is going to purchase workbooks and assign page after page of math and grammar for each child, because — guess what, I’ve done it before and it never gets done, so this year, I’m not even going to try (told you —“mini” Tiger mom)

Instead, this summer we are really focusing in on things that truly interest the kids. So far we’re looking at tennis (this is pretty much a given in our household), golf, art, cooking class, computer programming and swimming. What are some fun things you are looking at for your kids?

Now, I know that these classes will only occupy a portion of their time each day, so this year I plan to spend the rest of the day at the Indian Trail Club. (We’ve been members at ITC for several years, but in all honesty, we haven’t really used the club at all. It’s beginning to resemble my gym membership!) So, this summer I will be taking (perhaps dragging) my kiddies to the club. In truth, it is a beautiful place... I especially love sitting in the Adirondack chairs looking out onto the lake...it’s a great place to just let your mind wander (and think about all the errands and chores that need to be done once you get home).

Now, with all the various activities that we are trying to schedule, we are still planning on heading out of town for some true family fun getaways. This year, as in any years, we are vacationing with the cousins from both sides of the family. Our summer road trips include various places such as Cape May, Spring Lake and Ocean City, MD for starters Have any of you been to Ocean City? Any suggestions on restaurants? (You know I’m all about the food!)

This year, I have also challenged my kids, as well as myself, to think about one thing that they would like to accomplish during the summer (you know, kind of like a New Year’s Resolution thing, which I must say I have not stuck to...bad mommy). This can be anything from learning a new hobby, writing a short story, improving your second serve, reading five books that have been sitting on the counter for months or painting a picture...it doesn't really matter. I just thought that it would be nice to have a short term goal for the summer weeks. Plus, it will be fun to see who will actually do it and stick to it. Perhaps we should make a friendly wager...anyone out there up for the challenge?

Well, I hope that your family has a wonderful summer break and if you so happen to see me buzzing around town, driving the kids to their various activities, please stop me and make sure that I didn't forget to schedule in relaxation time into my calendar.


* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Behind the Baseline

In a town such as Franklin Lakes, it is not unusual to see kids focusing on a particular sport fairly early on in their lives. I’ve seen kids as young as 4 years of age working on their speed and agility, parents on the sidelines snapping pictures and videotaping the beginnings of a most promising career.

Wanting to give our kids the chances we never had when we were growing up, we eagerly sign them up for a sport that we feel suits their talents, purchase all necessary equipment as well as accessories for their given sport, research area coaches to help give our kids the leg up and then happily dawn on our chauffeur cap in order to shuttle them to their practices, games and tournaments.

Then after all the sacrifices…the umbrella fights in the cold rain, the constant driving back and forth through unyielding traffic, the missed family dinners and quality time we desperately need as a family unit, and the late night homework shuffle …we find ourselves pacing the sidelines like a caged animal as we watch the game unfold and witness the not so bright moments of our young athletes. What are you doing?....Run!!....No, HIT the ball…oh for goodness sakes….

Does any of this sound familiar?

Now, as a parent of a young athlete, I must say that I have been there, done that.

My oldest is a tennis player, but let me start by saying that I most certainly did NOT push her into tennis. This was truly a decision she made on her own and I constantly remind her that if it ever gets to be too much, all she needs to say is “enough.”

So, with that said, when we began playing tennis (I say “we” because this was truly a learning process for the whole family) I soon became a crazy tennis mom. Yes, I admit it. I would sit at her practice for 2 hours straight each day (she practices 5 days a week) speaking to veteran parents behind the baseline, gleaning any pertinent information…watching ….analyzing ….hoping that this could turn into something truly promising (like it did for my cousin who got a full ride to Princeton University….way to go Sarah!)

After months of hard work, we were ready for our very first tournament. I stood under the awning, trying to hide from the intensity of the summer sun….my heart racing, stomach churning, palms sweating, watching with baited breath as the little yellow ball bounced back and forth sometimes seemingly hovering over the net. Every point played felt as if it lasted an eternity.

From nearby courts, I could hear the shuffling of feet, clapping, grunts and occasional raised voices as parents fight with one another while their children battled on the courts (FYI: Tennis parents are vicious!) Finally, it was over….my daughter came in second, losing to a fellow teammate. With heads held high, we congratulated the winner and headed to the car. Needless to say, the hour long car ride was not fun. Frustrated with the performance I just witnessed, I laid into her, lecturing her the entire way home. What happened?....You have to want to win!....You have NO DRIVE!...turn with the hips…. concentrate….follow through….blah blah blah.

I told you I was a crazy tennis mom….

By the time we arrived home, I was hoarse and my daughter was crying…..and for what?! Tennis?

Luckily, my husband who is always the voice of reason (please don’t tell him I said that) told me about his experience as a young aspiring tennis player. He explained how we can’t take the fun out of a sport because when he was a young teen, his father pushed him so hard that eventually he hated the sport and refused to play. Does this sound familiar?

So I thought long and hard about why we want our children to play a sport.  Is it so that they can receive college scholarships, join the Olympic team, play in the US Open? No, although that would be great.

We want them to play a sport so that they can build up their self confidence. I want my children to be confident (not cocky…there is a fine line) and to know who they are and what defines them. I want them to be happy.

So, does my daughter still love tennis? Absolutely. Do I still drive her all over Bergen County for practices and drills? Sure. Does she still compete in tournaments? Of course...but now my husband takes her.

Do you know parents who are living vicariously through their children? Were you one of them?

* This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Mom-Petitors

Now, I feel that it is safe to say that we are all very proud of our children and of their accomplishments, whether big or small. I also feel that it is safe to say that most adults would be happy to hear about accomplishments that other children have achieved, whether they received straight A’s on a report card, or have become an accomplished musician or athlete, or if they are just an all around great kid. However, what do you do when you come face to face with a hard core "Mom-petitor"? 

What's a Mom-petitor? Oh, you know.....one ofthose mom's who likes to compare her child to everyone else's, just to make sure that they are where they should be, which in her mind is ahead of yours. 

Have you run into any of these lovely women? I must say that so far my experience in Franklin Lakes has been very pleasant, although I can't say the same for some of my girlfriends (pssst....don't worry.....what goes around comes around....) 

Now, when I was a kid, I was an unwilling participant to the "let's compare our kids" madness. Mind you, my mother was a "Tiger Mom", albeit a lenient one and all her friends were pretty much the same. Unfortunately for my dear mother, I never seemed to be considered one of the "top" kids in our group of friends. It was always, so and so scored a perfect SAT score, so and so got into Harvard, so and so got into Medical school, so and so surprised her mother with a brand new Mercedes for her birthday...can I barf now? Ugh, seriously....a Mercedes why not the Porsche?Please… 

It wasn't that my mom sought out this information that made me feel totally inferior, on the contrary, she tried her best to avoid these discussions (I would too if I had a daughter like me, but that's a story for another day). However, when you're standing face to face, or stuck in a corner with one of these competitive, no EQ type of mom, you have no choice but to listen and try to smile politely as you secretly grind your teeth and wring your hands, hoping that something catastrophic would occur so you could make your escape (which of course never happens). 

I grew up hating...absolutely despising some of the kids in our community. Even to this day if my mom mentions "so and so's" name I cringed! I know, I know, I'm older now and I should be able to look past all that, but those crazy "mom-petitors" made my life miserable when I was younger and I honestly think that they scarred me. 

In fact, one evening a bunch of our old college friends got together for dinner in New York. We were having a blast, talking and laughing while the kids all played nicely in the family room. All of a sudden a friend of ours says, "Hey kids, let's all come to the piano and have a little concert. You can all play a piece that you have been working on. How does that sound?" WHAT!?  How does that sound? It sounds awful! 

As I watched the children file into the living room, everything suddenly went into slow motion as if in one of those action movies.....I leaped over the kitchen table, stumbled across the hallway into the living room, yanked my two kids from the lineup, glanced at my imaginary watch, hollered to the hostess that we had to leave because it was getting late, as I tossed our shoes and jackets into my bag and flew out of the house. Made it….we’re safe….whew! That was close! 

Have you ever been in a situation where you fled the scene of an impending "kid comparison" setup? How did you cope with the situation? 

Alright, perhaps I overreacted just a tad, but I never liked being compared to other kids when I was younger and I don't want to put my children through that either. I want my kids to be confident in whom they are and not undermine them by comparing them to others. Now, mind you, I am by no means saying that I don't occasionally compare my kids to other children...I am, after all, still human.......I'm not perfect (believe it or not....hee hee). 

So to all the "mom-petitors" out there, I'm happy that your child was potty trained right out of the womb, and that they can speak 3 languages at age four, take college courses while in elementary school and earn $60,000 just over the summer......but, can they do this?!......oh, right.....you can't see me......oh well, it's probably for the better....

*This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Overbooked! No Time To Breathe

Now, I know that I shouldn’t complain. Here I am…. a wife to a wonderful husband who works his tail off so that I can have the option to stay home, while trying to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up….mother to three fairly well behaved children, except for when they drive me absolutely batty….and part owner of a goofy “non-shedding -midsized” dog or should I say horse (isn’t there a law against false advertisement… I should get my money back so that I can replace the vacuum that broke due to all the “non-existent” fur)….so what am I complaining about? Well, that’s easy…I’m too busy.

I see you rolling your eyes….poor little Franklin Lakes housewife….she’s too busy…getting a mani and pedi, hanging out at the salon, playing tennis at the club, meeting for lunch while “discussing”  PTA and school stuff, drinking lattes and eating scones….PLEASE, get real!

The thing is, until you step into my shoes (or stilettos…I do so love my stilettos) you have no idea how crazy my life is. I’m not claiming that I’m the only mom in Franklin Lakes who is insanely crazed and busy…on the contrary, I actually think that most moms in town are in the same situation.

 I admit that I get the occasional mani and pedi, and the hour at the salon is “me” time, I play tennis when I can so that I get some exercise and I do have PTA meetings, but never over lunch and I don’t drink lattes – they make my tummy hurt. But, this not what I’m talking about… the problem is that we as a family are way overbooked, over scheduled and over committed!

Ya get it?! Do you agree?

The root of the problem is that I’ve always wanted to give my kids the opportunity to do things that I never got to do. I want them to pursue things that interest them, take classes in things that inspire them and learn things that my husband and I deem important to their future. So, I asked the kids what they wanted to do….enrolled them in a billion classes in places as local as the Karate place on Franklin Avenue all the way to Timbuktu and thus started living our lives out of our car.

Life started to get hectic fairly quickly ,especially since I’m the primary chauffeur (I’m sometimes in the car, non-stop, for 5-6 hours, driving around and around and around…sometimes not getting home until 9:45pm.) We are doing so many things and going in so many different directions, that I had to simplify my life…yes, I gave up the paper calendar and converted to Google Calendar and boy was that the right move. Now, everything is color coordinated with little bells to remind me of classes, activities, appointments, lunch dates, shopping trips (just kidding…..not really) and I can even keep track of the Philadelphia Eagles game times when football season starts …how cool!

Our family motto: If it’s not on the calendar, then it’s not happening!

Now don’t think that you can look at this calendar and know everything that happens in our lives, because I still keep certain things in my head, and even though there is some sort of method to the kaleidoscope of colors on my calendar, trying to decipher it may give you a headache.

Everything in our lives has been orchestrated to the last second….we are so jammed packed that there’s barely any room for the slightest delay, let alone breathing….there is no time for rain, sleet or snow, grannies on the road, tractors (I’m stuck behind these everyday on Colonial Road….sucks!) or bathroom breaks….didn’t you just go 10 hours ago?! Geez!

The funny things is, that although we now have the schedule flowing perfectly…and believe me, it was a feat trying to schedule 24 lessons/classes between the three kids in a weeks time (and we do this week after week, month after month), all I want to do now is come to a full stop.  

I’m constantly stressed and now, my kids, for whom this was all done for, are stressed and tired. Can you relate? Do your kids ever feel this way?

The problem I’m having is that as I look at the well crafted master calendar (hold on as I gag….just giving myself some props….clap clap), there is really nothing that I can take out, except for one or two things here and there. The bulk of the schedule seems necessary. So, what am I to do? Any suggestions? Therapy?

We can’t cut out language, because we want our kids to at least be able to understand our families when they come to visit….we can’t cut out music, because we feel they should all be able to play at least one instrument (poor playing is better than no playing – right?)….and we can’t touch the tennis, ballet or karate because physical activity is important, especially in this day and age of video games and Youtube. So, you see my dilemma?

I wish I was as brave and bold as my friend K.J. who told me once that she cancelled all classes and activities for an entire month…..wow, could you imagine? The kids would go to school in the morning, come home in the afternoon and that’s it! You’re in for the night!! True family time…..just like the good old days.

I don’t think it is all that healthy for the kids to be so over scheduled, but now that I’m here, how do I change it?

How crazy is your schedule? How have you pared down your family’s activities and commitments? Does anyone have a copy of the documentary “Race to Nowhere”? And most importantly, what’s the name of your psychologist? I need to make an appointment…..although my first availability is about 6 months out….HELP!

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Grounded in Franklin Lakes

Sitting here in the Franklin Lakes Starbucks, typing on my iPad and watching the people come in and out....men, women, teens, kids and babies, a question popped into my mind, as I watch a young teen ask for some complicated concoction from the ever friendly staff. How in the world do you stay grounded in a town such as this? Better yet, how do we ensure that our children stay grounded? 

It's wonderful to be living here....it's beautiful and quiet...we've got a good school system with great teachers...I've made some amazing friends...I found a hairstylist that knows exactly what I want (we all know how difficult that is....thanks Vic for your cutting edge style....ahem....check out The Chateau Salon)...and it's been interesting to see how many times I have to tell my kids...I don't care if so and so has such and such, we are not getting it! 

Does this conversation come up in your household? Am I the only one who feels that kids these days are way too spoiled?

You see, if you are new to town or to any of the surrounding towns in Bergen County, let me give you a brief overview of life with kids in an affluent town. You will notice that I have only covered a few topics, but it will give you a good idea of what I'm talking about (this of course is only the opinion of a lowly Franklin Lakes Housewife).

•  Computers: With all the advancements in technology, our kids now have the luxury of accessing the world wide web (do you think kids even know what www stands for?.....ha ha ha) from an itty bitty sherbet colored, blinged out smartphone (can you tell I have girls?) but, it doesn't stop there. Nooooo.....one day as you're looking around your house, feeling good that you are able to provide your family with two PC laptops and now an Apple computer (not to mention the cell phone that you just bestowed upon you oldest daughter), your ever loving child will ask you for her own Apple laptop....are you serious? Why? Oh.....because your friends all have their own and you don't want to deal with other peoples accounts on the main computer.....I see, well then...FORGET IT!  We're family, deal with it. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to even have a computer? When I was your age, we didn't have cellphones, personal computers, DSs...the most exciting thing I remember as a kid was the electric typewriter...spoiled kids (grumble grumble)... 

•  Houses: After years of hard work, you and your spouse have finally purchased a house in beautiful Franklin Lakes. It’s everything you dreamed of...there's plenty of room for the kids to roam, they each have a separate bedroom, you have a kitchen that allows more than one person in at a time and you actually have a yard....then, your child goes on their first playdate and comes home, takes a good look around and says...so and so house is sooooo big and beautiful...how come our house isn't like that? What?! Who says its not?!  Pop-pitty-pop...pop...pop... Your little happy bubble just collapsed and you look around at the broken steps, fallen gutters, dug up lawn (courtesy of the four legged pet you agreed to in a moment of weakness) and you decide to take this Hallmark moment and make it into a learning experience. Do you realize that we are very lucky to be living here? Daddy works very hard so that we can live in this house...plus, how can mommy make the house look nice when you guys never pick up after yourselves, you eat in every room...leaving crumbs everywhere, Kiki (the furry destroyer of all things) tracks mud and dirt into the house and you guys constantly bounce from bed to sofa as if on a trampoline...there is NO way I'm getting nice furniture until you are all off to college...and that includes the dog!!! Ridiculous!

•  Clothing, shoes, etc:  Now, I must say that so far I've been pretty lucky when it comes to my kids wanting certain things....that is...so far, they are pretty much content with driving me insane with all the electronic stuff (ugh). However, I'm sure that designer jeans, brand name tops, juicy this and couture that are all in our near future. How can we avoid it...honestly? You know you’re in trouble when a kindergartener is told her family must be poor because she always wears the same shoes to school, or when your teenage daughter has accumulated a thousand and one outfits in one year because she can't possibly wear the same dress twice...are you kidding me?Have you encountered anything as bizarre as this?

You see, although I love living here, I must say that it comes at a price. 

Among the mini mansions, luxury cars, state of the art digital apparatus and couture clothing, how do our kids stand a chance?  How skewed will our children’s view on life be? And how do we keep them from becoming self-important little monsters who feel as if they are entitled to anything and everything?

I want to be a good mother, but how can I steer my kids straight when my own compass wavers on occasion....and doesn’t always point due North? (I really did need those shoes....I’ve been looking for that perfect shade of red...and, now all I need is a dress to go with it....What? I’ve put in my time...a girl’s gotta have something...)

But all kidding aside, it’s very important to me that my kids know that they can’t have everything their little hearts desire. Just because a friend has something doesn't mean that they have to have it too. So, for now, if they ask me for something that I feel is not a real necessity, I resort to a firm “No”, or an occasional “maybe” and in a desperate attempt to end all conversation, a teeth baring, guttural, crazed eye “NO! And if you ask me one more time, you're in big trouble....and I mean it!!!” 

Do you have the same concerns? How do you keep your kids grounded in Franklin Lakes?

Well, that’s it for today, I just finished my venti-decaf-light-mocha-frappucino-no whip and....oh my god, is that the NEW iPad....it’s so thin...and that cover is sooo cool....huh (as I glance down at my own “older” iPad, it suddenly feels so heavy)...man, this thing feels like a brick...I think a lighter version would be a lot better...hmmm...

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Caution: Cyber Space Ahead

Ching chong, ling long, ting tong......Oh no she dinn’t....please tell me that girl didn't just do that? Are you kidding me?! 

Now, before I get on my little soap-box, let me explain to you what has gotten the Asian-American community and other minority groups up in arms. 

Two weeks ago, a UCLA student, Alexander Wallace, decided to post a video of herself as she rants about the Asians in her school. Now, let me go on the record and say that I agree with Ms. Wallace’s original intent, which was probably – “Don’t talk on the phone in the library.” However, it was the manner in which this message was delivered that got people in an uproar (and now it’s in cyberspace, taking on a life of its own).

In a fairly short amount of time, Wallace was able to demonstrate the difficulties in mastering the Chinese language (hence, my intro), she validated the fact that all Asians are the same and that geography doesn’t matter (FYI – the tsunami occurred in Japan not China – two totally different countries…they don’t speak the same language...they don’t even like each other) and she has successfully shown the world that the United States is still struggling with issues of race.

Have you seen this video yet? Well, Wallace has actually removed her original post, but as we all know, once it’s out in the cyberspace, there is no getting it back. 

Now, after much contemplation and discussion with my lawyers, I have decided to keep my fingers at bay in regards to my opinions on what Ms. Wallace was thinking…nope, I’m not going to rant on and on about this ignorant girl, but as an American of Asian descent, let me just say…what the *bleep* was she thinking? 

Ok, ok….calm down…breathe….just breathe…ohm-mmmmmm …I’m going to my happy place now…

Forget it, yoga is not gonna to help. UGH! Isn’t it funny that even though I am now an adult and a mother of three, I can still be affected by something so idiotic?!  Am I being silly? Possibly.

Well, after this “polite, American girl” posted her little rant, her vlog went viral and people went ballistic. I’m sure she had no idea how offensive her remarks were or how significant the repercussions would be and how, by posting a short little video, her life would change.

A couple of days after the post, the Chancellor of UCLA made a public statement voicing his disappointment, Wallace soon issued an apology and has since left the school and returned home. 

I guess she’s learned her lesson. 

But what was her lesson? What can we all take away from this, whether we’re Asian, White, Black, Latino or Alien (a nod to Katy Perry's new song – which I can’t stop singing)?   

Well, there is a lot that we can learn from this whole situation and a lot that we can share with our children, but the one issue that I wanted my kids to learn, besides the fact that racism is a huge No-No, is that once you put something out on the internet, you can never get it back.

Here, in Franklin Lakes, we’ve got young kids who have smartphones, iPads, laptops up the wahzoo...they have continuous access to the internet, which means that they can post pictures, type entries, upload videos to their Facebook accounts (yes….kids have FB accounts) or any other social network site at anytime. 

This also means that we, as parents, need to constantly remind our sweet little angels (this term is used loosely) that they need to be careful and understand that there are consequences to things that they do.

As a parent, I do try to explain to my oldest, who’s currently in FAMS, that with all this amazing technology come responsibilities. She needs to know that everything she types in an email, words that she uses in a text, photos that she takes and videos that she makes with her friends need to be done thoughtfully, because in the end, she will be held accountable for her action if they have been used to cause pain to others or even to herself (believe me, if she can’t get a job in the future because she posted a picture of herself partying it up, I’m not gonna be a very happy mama….to say the least….)

What advice do you have on how to teach kids this very important lesson? How do we make them understand that they are accountable when it comes to things they post and put on the internet, and that sometimes the result of their actions can be devastating?  

Before you hit that send button, or click on the share link or post a comment….stop and think, because once it’s out there you can never get it back.

*But of course, if you’re reading this article, you better click on the share button right away and post a nice comment or I will call in the Triad to take care of business.

*This is an article I wrote for an online news site