Carving Out Me Time

How many times have you heard yourself say...."Let's get together when things settle down"...."I can't wait for this week to be over"...."Just one more thing and then I can relax"...."Thank God it's Friday"?

For me, these phrases are constantly popping out of my mouth. But the fact of the matter is.... Things NEVER settle down....the week is NEVER over, it just continues....there is always ONE more thing that needs to be done.....and Friday?! Friday is just as bad, because that means the next day, the kids have games, practices, birthday parties and anything else that we couldn't fit in during the regular week.

....sniff....sniff....

I once wrote about being totally overwhelmed in Mom Overloaded and guess what? It hasn't gotten any better.

Some days, I just want to throw in the towel and run away....run far, far away....still running....you think I'm thinking of something to say? Nope, just picturing myself running in a field of beautiful flowers on a golden summer day....butterflies flitting from flower to flower.....bees searching for nectar....and a white stallion with a handsome young kn--......huh?!

Sorry, got carried away....back to the post. Ummmmmm...... wait.....I have to go back and re-read what I wrote, won't take but a minute for me to gather my thoughts....

Right, I was running away. 

Well, in reality, I can't run away. There's no running in a field of flowers or  chasing pretty little butterflies and certainly no "golden summer day".....it's freakin' cold here!!!!!

So, in an effort to avoid a one way trip to Shutter Island, I need to carve out some ME time.

Yesterday, I decided that I seriously needed to relax, so I picked up the phone, called the salon and voila! Here I am....relaxing....ok, maybe not totally relaxing - I'm finishing up this blog....but it is a creative outlet for me, so that's a good thing.

The staff at the salon were cracking up at this photo -- I love it!

No, I haven't lost it yet...hanging out at The Chateau Salon

Here is my challenge to you. Today, I want you to find a morsel of time in your crazy nutty schedule, even if it's just for 10 minutes.....lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to (although that doesn't deter my kids) and breathe.

....relax.....do something fun....do something for yourself....

....cause if we don't carve out a little time for ourselves......you and I will be bunk mates carving out our names in a cinder block wall on Shutter Island.

How do you find time to relax?

Overbooked! No Time To Breathe

Now, I know that I shouldn’t complain. Here I am…. a wife to a wonderful husband who works his tail off so that I can have the option to stay home, while trying to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up….mother to three fairly well behaved children, except for when they drive me absolutely batty….and part owner of a goofy “non-shedding -midsized” dog or should I say horse (isn’t there a law against false advertisement… I should get my money back so that I can replace the vacuum that broke due to all the “non-existent” fur)….so what am I complaining about? Well, that’s easy…I’m too busy.

I see you rolling your eyes….poor little Franklin Lakes housewife….she’s too busy…getting a mani and pedi, hanging out at the salon, playing tennis at the club, meeting for lunch while “discussing”  PTA and school stuff, drinking lattes and eating scones….PLEASE, get real!

The thing is, until you step into my shoes (or stilettos…I do so love my stilettos) you have no idea how crazy my life is. I’m not claiming that I’m the only mom in Franklin Lakes who is insanely crazed and busy…on the contrary, I actually think that most moms in town are in the same situation.

 I admit that I get the occasional mani and pedi, and the hour at the salon is “me” time, I play tennis when I can so that I get some exercise and I do have PTA meetings, but never over lunch and I don’t drink lattes – they make my tummy hurt. But, this not what I’m talking about… the problem is that we as a family are way overbooked, over scheduled and over committed!

Ya get it?! Do you agree?

The root of the problem is that I’ve always wanted to give my kids the opportunity to do things that I never got to do. I want them to pursue things that interest them, take classes in things that inspire them and learn things that my husband and I deem important to their future. So, I asked the kids what they wanted to do….enrolled them in a billion classes in places as local as the Karate place on Franklin Avenue all the way to Timbuktu and thus started living our lives out of our car.

Life started to get hectic fairly quickly ,especially since I’m the primary chauffeur (I’m sometimes in the car, non-stop, for 5-6 hours, driving around and around and around…sometimes not getting home until 9:45pm.) We are doing so many things and going in so many different directions, that I had to simplify my life…yes, I gave up the paper calendar and converted to Google Calendar and boy was that the right move. Now, everything is color coordinated with little bells to remind me of classes, activities, appointments, lunch dates, shopping trips (just kidding…..not really) and I can even keep track of the Philadelphia Eagles game times when football season starts …how cool!

Our family motto: If it’s not on the calendar, then it’s not happening!

Now don’t think that you can look at this calendar and know everything that happens in our lives, because I still keep certain things in my head, and even though there is some sort of method to the kaleidoscope of colors on my calendar, trying to decipher it may give you a headache.

Everything in our lives has been orchestrated to the last second….we are so jammed packed that there’s barely any room for the slightest delay, let alone breathing….there is no time for rain, sleet or snow, grannies on the road, tractors (I’m stuck behind these everyday on Colonial Road….sucks!) or bathroom breaks….didn’t you just go 10 hours ago?! Geez!

The funny things is, that although we now have the schedule flowing perfectly…and believe me, it was a feat trying to schedule 24 lessons/classes between the three kids in a weeks time (and we do this week after week, month after month), all I want to do now is come to a full stop.  

I’m constantly stressed and now, my kids, for whom this was all done for, are stressed and tired. Can you relate? Do your kids ever feel this way?

The problem I’m having is that as I look at the well crafted master calendar (hold on as I gag….just giving myself some props….clap clap), there is really nothing that I can take out, except for one or two things here and there. The bulk of the schedule seems necessary. So, what am I to do? Any suggestions? Therapy?

We can’t cut out language, because we want our kids to at least be able to understand our families when they come to visit….we can’t cut out music, because we feel they should all be able to play at least one instrument (poor playing is better than no playing – right?)….and we can’t touch the tennis, ballet or karate because physical activity is important, especially in this day and age of video games and Youtube. So, you see my dilemma?

I wish I was as brave and bold as my friend K.J. who told me once that she cancelled all classes and activities for an entire month…..wow, could you imagine? The kids would go to school in the morning, come home in the afternoon and that’s it! You’re in for the night!! True family time…..just like the good old days.

I don’t think it is all that healthy for the kids to be so over scheduled, but now that I’m here, how do I change it?

How crazy is your schedule? How have you pared down your family’s activities and commitments? Does anyone have a copy of the documentary “Race to Nowhere”? And most importantly, what’s the name of your psychologist? I need to make an appointment…..although my first availability is about 6 months out….HELP!

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Mom - Overloaded

Please tell me that I am not alone.  How many of you are like me? Overextended, spread too thin and at wit’s end, with no one to blame but yourself.

I feel that I’m in a constant state of craze. I always have 1,001 things hanging over my head, my scheduling is so tight that my “cushion” is a 10 second window and my typical grocery shopping trip is literally a pitstop to the local Market Basket to grab some eggs, fruit and perhaps a pot pie to throw in the oven (my kids love their pot pies…the Shepherd’s pie is also very tasty).

My family has since learned that dinner can range from home-cooked Chinese fare to cereal out of a box, but usually it’s something in between that's slightly decent and barely warm.  Due to extra-curricular activities, homework and work itself, it is rare that we all get to sit down and enjoy a family dinner together. Is this how it is in your home?

Life used to be so different. I used to sit back and relax, chat with friends, enjoy some tea while I writing poetry in my notebook. My daughter would play with her toys while baby Mozart played in the background. Now, I tell my friends we’ll try to get together when things calm down (which will never happen), I’m frantically scooting across Bergen County, scribbling in my calendar so I don’t forget a meeting or a task, while listening to my kids tease each other in the back of the car.

So, how did this all start? Well, eight years ago, when we moved into town, I did not know a soul. I wanted to meet people, so, once my daughter started her first year at Colonial Road School, I decided to get involved.

I signed up for anything and everything (this is what a newbie mom does). Crafts? Sure, I’ll do it. Help out with Brownies? No problem, I have the time.  Party decorations? I can go and get them, don’t worry. Library? Pizza? PTA? Ok, sign me up. Whatever you need…I can help.  (Did you do this too or was I the only crazy one?)

So, here I was, my first year as a district mom, walking up to the school in my Medusa costume carrying  a haunted house, a cauldron and trying to balance a medley of other stuff for a class party, and thinking to myself… “This is what the other mom’s do, so suck it up.”

By the end of the school year I signed my life away…a new trustee to the Education Foundation, class mom, PTA assembly coordinator, part-time Pharmacist, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring and a baby on the way…no problem at all, easy as pie, right? Talk about being delusional. Good thing I’m a pharmacist.

My calendar was soon filled. The monthly pages were splattered with a dizzying array of colored ink, each representing a meeting or an event that I had volunteered to help out at. My calendar was and still is my life, and if it’s not in there, then it’s not happening.

All the volunteer work, team practices, homework, play dates, continuing education courses, housework and the fact that the kids are getting older can be — and has been — overwhelming at times.

My house looks like a battlefield, despite my efforts to keep it clean. As for the children, lately, I find myself running to pick them up, only to realize (after waiting in a horrendously long pickup line) that they are supposed to stay after school for art. I take them home when they are supposed to be at Karate or Ballet. I schedule meetings forgetting that I need to drive my oldest to Washington Township (something I do practically every day) and I agree to play dates when they are supposed to be home for their weekly Chinese or guitar lessons.

What is wrong with me? Am I getting older? Perhaps senility is setting in….Nah, I still have a few more years before that happens. I really think that it’s because I have much too much on my plate.  Am I the only one?

This inability to say “no” has definitely prolonged my retirement from the volunteering track, and it’s not getting any better.  Even with the warning signs of forgotten activities and wrong pick up times, I am still heavily involved with the schools and I have now successfully volunteered what little time I have left to making the world greener and to helping those most in need in rural China.

Hello, my name if Jules and I am a Volunteer Junkie…why can’t I say “NO!” Can you?

* This is an article that I wrote for an online news site