Busy little bee.....

For those who know me, you know that I love to stay busy. For the past 11 years I have been doing everything I could for the local schools. I've been on several parent teacher boards as well as a few years as trustee and President for the local Education Foundation.

With all of this, I have realized that I don't want to go back to my career as a pharmacist, but continue on the path of working with Non-profits and making a difference in the lives of others.

A few years back a good friend of mine, Scott Clinton of Scott Clinton Photography, told me about an organization that he was helping The Sandbox.

I had reached out to the Executive Director, Mara Campolungo, awhile back and we just recently hooked up again and I'm happy to say that we are working on bringing The Sandbox here to the New Jersey.

This organization helps put a smile on the faces of children with cancer and life altering diseases and it is an honor to have the opportunity to help them make a difference in the lives of others. I will keep you posted as to how things are going. In the meantime, check out the video below to see what they are about.

Dig deep and join us in The Sandbox!

If you would like to get involved, please contact me! We can truly help make a difference.

To speak or not to speak......

At this time of year, hopefully, we take the time to appreciate all the little things in our lives. Three of those things for me are my children and even though I complain here and there, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the life that I have been given and for all that has been provided for me. I am thankful for my loving friends and family and I am thankful that so far..... my kids have kept the straight and narrow (or so I believe).

Like many of you, I have waited in anticipation for this period in my life, where I would have the "dreaded" teenager, but so far I've been spared the heartache and frustration that seems to plaque these teenage years.

As parents we all try very hard to make sure we raise our children the right way. We give them opportunities we never had. We buy them things we never dreamed of. We encourage them with love and support, helping them when they fall and praising them when they succeed.

But let me ask you this....how well do we really know them? These mini-mes.... these carbon copies of us?

I have always prided myself in thinking that I "know" my daughter and that she would never do anything wrong. I also thought that all my friends enjoyed this same type of security  -- of "knowing" what our kids were up to. However, recent events have shattered this apparent false sense of security and now I find myself in strange waters.

So let me pose a question to you....

If you found out (from your daughter) that a friend's child has not followed the path of the straight and narrow and has engaged in inappropriate behaviors, would you tell her?

Would you say something, knowing that the child has already been deemed by her peers as wanton and licentious?

Would you say something, knowing that by doing so, you are also breaking the trust and confidence that your daughter has placed in you?

Or......

Would you hold your tongue?

I have asked this question to some of my friends and I find people falling into two categories.

One group feels that since the events occurred in the past, I should leave it alone and hope that the child is now in a better place. They feel that by divulging the "secret" at this point in time, there is no upside. I could potentially incur the wrath of my friend (because she may not believe me), cause a rift between my friend and her child, destroy my daughter's friendship and in the end I could also lose the trust and confidence my own daughter has placed in me and cause us to drift apart.

The other group feels that I should say something no matter the cost, while trying to minimize the potential backlash towards my daughter and hope that all will work out.

What are your thoughts?

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? If so, what did you do?

How would you feel if this were your child?

Three for Me

Yes, I'm still here.....I haven't totally fallen off the planet...I've just been in Orlando with the family on a much needed vacation. Although I haven't been able to post "posts", I have been able to keep up with the A to Z challenge and the NaPoWriMo Challenge, although it's been a bit difficult......try composing poems in the midst of roller coaster screams, slurping of Butter Beer and being totally and completely drenched on the River Adventure ride....hmpff...they said "you may get wet or possibly soaked"....possibly?!

Anyhow, we are nearing the end of our trip and I have a few things I wanted to get out before I end this week.

So, the Three for Me this week are:

1. High School "acceptance" letter? - My oldest daughter has worked very hard over the years and as she entered 8th grade, she applied to the County magnet school. This school is considered to be a top notch high school and many kids apply....in fact, out of the 1550 applicants, only 280 will be granted entry. Of course, as luck would have it, and after a grueling application process, they decided to mail the "acceptance" letters out this week. Hello.....we are on Spring break. UGH! Luckily, my wonderful friend checked the mail for me on a daily basis and when it finally arrived, she expressed mailed it to us in Florida.

What did it say? Well, my daughter didn't want to open it until we were all together as a family, which meant we had the letter in hand for over half an hour before opening it. We trekked back into Universal Studio, located the rest of the clan and......

And she cried tears of joy....

YES! She got in. We are so happy for her and so very proud. Job well done geeky nerd....way to go!

2. Lost & Found - Ok, so you might be thinking what could possibly top an acceptance letter to an amazing high school, well.....if you read my poem from the other day, you will know that I experienced what all parents fear....losing their child in the crowd. So, the second thing I'm loving this week is finding Squid and having all three of my children. I came with three....thank God I'm leaving with three....I love you guys and next time, we are all wearing matching neon tops!

3. Harry Potter Land - I'm loving the fact that we are on vacation someplace warm and to top it off, we got to visit Harry Potter Land (twice). I love Harry Potter.....we got dizzy on the rides, purchased our wands from Ollivander's Wand Shop, bought a whole bunch of stuff in Hogsmeade and we had our fill of delicious Butter Beer. Here's to you Harry.

What Hogwarts house are you?

What are you loving this week?

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Am I Asking Too Much?

Has there ever been a time in your life when you sit there and think....."What am I doing wrong?"

(Ugh.....of course, the kids are still up at 10:20pm on a school night when they should be sleeping .....wait a second as I go and have a mommy dearest moment.....)

ok ~ back

Right, what am I doing wrong......Well, this little question has been plaguing my mind for awhile and the reason for this post is because I am trying to figure out if I'm being totally ridiculous. When I think of my parenting "skills", if you can call it that, part of me says....you're doing a great job.....you're a good mom. Then, when we hit one of those bumps in the road....the other part of me shakes her head and screams.....you're messing up....you're being too hard on them and you're going to ruin them forever!


Am I? Do I expect too much from my children?

In all honesty, I don't think that I do, but maybe my prospective is off. Maybe I need to re-evaluate the situation.

My kids do a thousand and one things, to the point that I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, but these are activities that they love and enjoy, so.....I take them even though we are way overbooked.

Then, when it's time to study, I expect them pull their weight. I expect them to complete their homework and projects on time and to study when they need to. If they need help, they know to ask for it, otherwise, I assume they are doing ok.....I'm not one to correct their homework, because I feel the teachers need to see what they are doing right or wrong....so, I do not check their assignments - I just remind them to get it all done.

Some of my friends and family have suggested that maybe I'm too hard on the children when it comes to academics - that I expect to much - "Jules, they can't be perfect." The thing is, I'm not asking for perfection.

Really, I'm not.

I'm just asking for As. That's it. A simple A.

I know you're thinking I'm a Tiger Mom. Well, here's a little background reading that might shed some light on that issue.

I'm not the type of mom that puts her kids in all the top classes and demands straight As. I am, however, the type of mom who expects her kids to do well in the courses they are placed into by their teachers. Is this wrong?

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so..... If you can spend hours on the computer playing Mine Craft or watching My Little Pony or reruns of Victorious..... you can study a little bit and get at least a 90% on your test (see....I'm not even asking for 100%).

But.....perhaps this is too much pressure.....maybe, I need to take a step back.....hmmmmm

The jury is still out on this one.

My take - you work hard....you play hard.

I might expect a lot from them academically and we definitely burn the midnight oil here, but we also make sure that we make the most of our family time.....when we get them.

What are your thoughts.....this is such a fine line.....how do you balance out your expectations?

You're the One That I Want!

Last night was amazing. My youngest was in another drama production and boy was it fun!

Squid (No, I'm not that mean.....it's her nickname....really!) participated in Willie Wilson's TAG production of Grease!

That's right greasers......Danny, Rizzo, Kenickie, Sally, Frenchy & Marty were back on stage live last night at the AMBS theatre.

Who did Squid play....well Marty Maraschino of course!

I have to say that I knew she loved to act, but after last night, I will never say that half heartedly. That girl was so animated and......just wow..... fantastic kiddo!

yes.....I'm a proud mama...can't help it!

As I watched her perform, I was completely mesmerized. How in the world did she snap her head with that sassy attitude and not get whiplash? I think I gave her too much chocolate on Easter....

We were also very excited for her because she managed to land a solo called Freddie My Love (very cute song - I believe it's from the Broadway version of Grease). Needless to say, she practiced every single day and knew the song inside and out. So, when she got ready to sing on stage.....we all held our breath. She was great. Although she did get her lines mixed up a little, she kept singing and ended perfectly with a beautiful note. Her poor brother was so nervous for her, he couldn't even watch....in fact he wanted to leave during her solo but my husband wouldn't let him.

I have to say that ALL the actors and I mean it....ALL of them did an amazing job. They all knew their lines....they sang beautifully and the dance moves were perfect! Watch out Broadway....we've got some up and coming stars!!

I'm a total Grease lover and I was bopping in my chair singing along.....it was a wonderful production.

A-Hem.....A-Hem...Your Skirt is Too Short!

Don't look now, but have you taken a good look at the length or lack of length in the clothing that young girls are wearing these days?

Courtesy of Samantha Villagran

I love fashion and I think it's a great way to express yourself, but when you are thirteen or fourteen years old, there has got to be some limitations. Don't you think?

Last year, I attended an event where the father of the birthday girl commented on the inappropriate attire that their guest were wearing. A sea of crazy heels, strapless tops, short dress...and a constant battle between adjusting and readjusting filled the room. He mimicked the girls.... as they desperately pulled their dresses up to keep it from falling only to shimmy it down to cover their tushies... Ridiculous was the only word he could mutter.

For those of you who have children in middle school and high school, I'm sure that you have heard parents whispering in corners.....look at that dress....it's soooo short....she can't even walk in those shoes.....oh my God, would you let your daughter wear that....

Would you?

How do you tell your daughter "No", when all her friends are wearing short party dresses and 5 inch heels that they can barely walk in? (UGH....one of my biggest pet peeves is seeing a woman wobble her way across the room....it's so unattractive....)

I really honestly don't know what the answer is, but I think that we need to sit these girls down and have a serious talk.

So girls, listen up!

You're young and beautiful. Be confident in who you are. Don't parade yourself around in short skirts and high heels, thinking your all that.....cause honestly, it's back firing.....you're giving off the wrong signals. Be classy......leave something to be desired. Don't give it all away at first glance, because they won't be coming back for more.......or if they do, it's not for who you are as a person.

Too harsh? Maybe....but it drives me nuts to see these young girls primping themselves up as if they are these sexual creatures ready for the picking....and I don't care if they're wearing this designer dress or that designer dress....women and girls are different....what might be appropriate for us is just not appropriate for them.

I'm not a "hater"...I know where I am in my life and I embrace it wholeheartedly, flabby tummy, wrinkles and all (and to my girlfriends out there, if you ever catch me wearing an outfit that is TOO young for me - tell me!).

I'm just sad.....

...sad to see the beauty and innocence of young women fall victim to society's depiction of what is considered "attractive".

How do you feel about this? Do you think that society and the media have skewed the perception of beauty for young women? Have they under-minded our daughters and and shaken their self confidence? What's the solution?

Before I started writing this post, I had discuss this topic with a good friend of mine and she sent me this message that was posted by a friend of hers:

I see more and more girls & ladies who have one thing missing that they should never lose... what is it? Class. Agree? Be classy girls, keep your standards up there. Be hard to get. Accept nothing but the best for you. You are worth it. And ladies... just picture a classy gal in your head, look up the word and strive for that. It's a good thing.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I believe that we as women and mothers, should unite and firmly stand our ground. Let's not let our daughters measure their self worth by their hemline.

And girls, know this.....you deserve only the best....don't lower yourself and your standards, instead, raise them and rise above them.

Be strong.......Be classy......Be girls.

It is a good thing.

Courtesy of Ignacioleo Leonardi

Lyrics to Love

Good morning....good afternoon....good evening....whatever time it is you are reading this, I thank you.

Did you read the post Time Out for Family Time from yesterday? Did you answer the question at the bottom?

Well....if you did, let's see if you got it right. These lyrics make you really think about family time and how quickly it slips through our fingers.

Courtesy of Doriana S

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then 

Cats In The Cradle, Sung by Harry Chapin

Love this song!

The lyrics to this song originally started out as a poem written by Sandra Gaston (Harry's wife). The inspiration for her poem came from her first husbands relationship with his father and a song she had heard once on the radio. Harry Chapin also said that this song reflects the relationship that he had with his own son....and "it scared him to death."

When I listen to this song, it scares me.....I get goose bumps and vow that I won't be like that. I swear to myself....I will change and spend as much time as I can with my kids.....but it's hard.

Time Out for Family Time

The sands of time waits for no one.

I will be the first to admit it......I do not spend enough quality time with my children.....and time is running out.

Our family has always been and still is Overbooked and whatever time we do have together often falls short of what I would deem quality time.

Our days..... consists of me driving the kids all around the county, practically live in the car  (easily putting about 20,000 + miles on my car in less than a year). When we're home, it's a total frenzy....cooking, phone calls, homework, cleaning, lessons.....and then next thing you know its bedtime, which is another battle that I wish I didn't have to deal with (check out Bedtime Battles).

And, it seems to me that all I ever say to my kids are.....hold on a minute....I'll help you later.....let me finish this....I'm on the phone....wait, I'm doing something....or (and I'm just telling you this because I want to be honest here) leave me alone.....I can't think with all of you bothering me!!!

So, where is the quality time we see families sharing on TV? Okay....maybe not so much on current TV, but more so on older shows like..... Little House on the Prairie? yes....I'm that old.

That's what I want!

My husband works insane hours at several different places and a lot of his shifts are overnights, which makes family time that much harder to coordinate.....rarely, do the stars align and we are all home together at a normal time.

So, lately, out of desperation for quality family time, I've actually kept the kids home from their scheduled activities so that we can spend time as a family unit.....not really husband approved, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

Just the other day, my husband and I really made an attempt to hang out with the kids, on a school night to say the least. We played a modified version of Pictionary, or we would have been there forever....but it was still tons fun and we got to laugh and joke around with the kids....and really enjoy each others company.

Can you guess what these were suppose to be? answers at bottom of post

You know....we've all said it before...."the kids are growing up so fast"...."in a blink of an eye they will be gone".....all this is so true and I don't want to miss anymore than I have.

As parents, we are so busy with trying to stay afloat, doing this and that for the kids, that we lose sight of the fact that we really should be doing things with them. There's going to be a day when we are finally able to slow down and spend time with them, but they may be too busy for us.

Does this happen in your home? How do you carve out true family time? Please share your secret to true quality family time......

answers: Bite, Doctor, Cheerleader, Healthy

Can you guess what song lyric I will be posting on Lyrics to Love tomorrow?

Three for Me

This has truly been a crazy weekend for me. So, to start of my week and to help me find balance again, these are the Three for Me this week:

1. My hubby. He is truly the nicest, most considerate, unselfish person I know. He has been my most fiercest critic and my most loyal supporter. As I look back on my life I realize how undeserving I am and that I really am lucky to have him in my life. It has not always been sunshine and roses for us, but that's expected. He grounds me. I love him for all that he is and isn't....and I know that I don't show my love for him as much as I should....this is something I need to try to do more often.

This is my hubby and I at the school fundraiser
That I mentioned in my post
Behind the Scene with Jules

2. Remember the simple things in life. This is a picture of a bowl that I keep on my foyer table (a table that I pass by a thousand times a day). I had gathered the rocks on my last trip to Cape May and found these little starfish in one of my favorite Cape May stores called Whale's Tale. If you haven't already guessed it, the three starfish represent my three kids and the white rocks remind me to remember how beautiful life is in it's simplest and purest form, so don't sweat the small stuff.

Simplicity of life.

3. A cup of warm Egyptian Licorice Tea. One of my closest friends got me hooked onto this tea by Yogi.....yum. I never ever liked licorice, but for some reason I love this tea. Now, whenever I feel stressed, I go to my pantry and make myself a cup of this tea and my mouth does a little happy dance. I think that I might actually be addicted....one time, I literally tore apart my pantry trying to find the new box I had bought ( finally settling on another tea for the night) only to find it the next day in the snack cabinet, where my daughter had placed it by accident.

Yogi Tea: Egyptian Licorice is my current fav!

Thanks for joining me....what are the three things that you love this week? What brings you comfort?

Three for Me

Three for Me! In this feature post, I will share three things that I absolutely ....love, love, love, love....crazy love.

Here you will get a glimpse into things that really move me and make me smile.

Now, of course, you all know that to start this feature post off properly, I need to include three of the most important things in my life......My kids.

So, the Three for Me this week: My three kids.

By the way, the awesome black & white photo above was taken by a dear friend, Scott Clinton. If you are looking for family/wedding/portrait shots, you should definitely check out his website at www.Simulacra.com 

But, I must tell you that Scott is really an artist and his work speaks for itself. He has done amazing work for various clients including up and coming rock bands to photos for ihome..... did you see the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue?  www.ScottClinton.com 

Psst.....just a little note, he travels all the time up and down the East Coast, so don't be shy if you're interested....just tell him I sent you!

Don't Pass on Family Time

Originally,  I was going to post a segment on my ever so adorable and well behaved (cough..cough) kids. Well, at least that was the plan as of yesterday morning, but as the day went on and I realized that soon I would be getting into a car and driving into the neighboring state for a short getaway with the family, I had a feeling that I would need to vent....just a little...a teensy weensy, itty bitty vent session.

Now, before I go on, let me say this loud and clear.... I love my husband and I appreciate all the sacrifices that he has made to provide for our family. (The poor guy works all the time and I am damn lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. I love you, hon.) But, why...shake, shake, shake of the head... when planning a "family" vacation break.... do I now find myself sitting in a casino in the Poconos?

Yes, we took our kids to a gambling establishment.

Is it too early to register my kids for Gamblers Anonymous? Seriously.

All 3 kids had to wear bands so people knew they were under 21
Is it really that hard to figure out?

I know, we are not the easiest to please - with two young teenagers constantly bickering with each other, an energetic eight year old (who always forgets to use her indoor voice) and a wife who secretly (okay, maybe not so secretly) wishes she could just run away - how would one find the perfect solution to a short getaway?

My poor husband took on this very task of trying to get us all excited about the break. Unfortunately for him, we were not cooperating. He asked each of us what we wanted to do and we all responded with the same generic, "I don't care." Which, by the way, really means...

"I don't want to do anything, I'm perfectly happy staying at home, in my pjs, insert your favorite pastime."

Answers:

Oldest kid - vegging out in front of the TV and sleeping
Middle kid - sitting in front of the computer and watching Youtube
Youngest kid - sitting next to my brother, in front of the computer, watching Youtube
me - sleeping...just let me sleep!

With our complete apathy for this "coveted" break, we left my poor husband, who's in dire need of a vacation, feeling...well, needless to say, and rightly so.....a bit annoyed.

So annoyed, he decided to take a Groupon deal to a nearby resort and casino and voila! Here we are.

.....hmmmm.....thinking...thinking...thinking.

Okay. It's really not that bad. In all honesty, it wasn't a totally ill conceived plan. We are staying in a nice hotel with spacious rooms and the food has been good (I totally pigged out - chocolate milkshake, california burger and fries) and apparently there's skiing and snow tubing nearby.

It's really not where we are, but rather who we are with (ugh, that sounds so cliché - but it's true).

So, kudos to my dear husband, who was only trying to get us to do something together.

This only makes up for the fact that we are not somewhere warm.....YUMMY!
The best chocolate shake I've had in years.

Family time is family time!

Next time, when you find yourself somewhere that just isn't your cup of tea, remember this:

It doesn't matter if you are sitting at home in your comfy pjs or out in a smoke filled casino, with the lights flashing and the constant ringing of the slot machines...this is valuable time you have together as a family. Embrace it.

....now, if you will please excuse me, I need to show the kids how to play the pass line.

A Relaxing Jam-Packed Summer

Summer is just around the corner...and thank God for that...I’ve been counting down the days until my kids are off from school so we can all relax. Haven’t you?

This has been a very long year and somewhat depressing with winter refusing to give up control for so long. However, now that we’ve made it through the cold and dreary months, we can happily pack away the jeans and jackets and throw on a pair of shorts and tank top—or a sundress if you’re like me — to soak up the sun and reenergize.

But, before I can fully relax, there is one more thing I must do....and that is to get the summer schedule set. WHAT?! Summer schedule are you kidding me??

Listen, maybe it’s the mini Tiger mom in me (mind you, I said mini) but, I can’t just have the kids sit at home ALL day and not have something other than computer games to keep them stimulated. I want them to get out and do things that they normally don’t have time to do...such as cutting the grass, walking the dog, weeding the garden, cleaning the garage...oh wait, that’s my list. In all seriousness, although summer is the time to relax, it is also a good time for learning and development.

Now, I’m not the mom who is going to purchase workbooks and assign page after page of math and grammar for each child, because — guess what, I’ve done it before and it never gets done, so this year, I’m not even going to try (told you —“mini” Tiger mom)

Instead, this summer we are really focusing in on things that truly interest the kids. So far we’re looking at tennis (this is pretty much a given in our household), golf, art, cooking class, computer programming and swimming. What are some fun things you are looking at for your kids?

Now, I know that these classes will only occupy a portion of their time each day, so this year I plan to spend the rest of the day at the Indian Trail Club. (We’ve been members at ITC for several years, but in all honesty, we haven’t really used the club at all. It’s beginning to resemble my gym membership!) So, this summer I will be taking (perhaps dragging) my kiddies to the club. In truth, it is a beautiful place... I especially love sitting in the Adirondack chairs looking out onto the lake...it’s a great place to just let your mind wander (and think about all the errands and chores that need to be done once you get home).

Now, with all the various activities that we are trying to schedule, we are still planning on heading out of town for some true family fun getaways. This year, as in any years, we are vacationing with the cousins from both sides of the family. Our summer road trips include various places such as Cape May, Spring Lake and Ocean City, MD for starters Have any of you been to Ocean City? Any suggestions on restaurants? (You know I’m all about the food!)

This year, I have also challenged my kids, as well as myself, to think about one thing that they would like to accomplish during the summer (you know, kind of like a New Year’s Resolution thing, which I must say I have not stuck to...bad mommy). This can be anything from learning a new hobby, writing a short story, improving your second serve, reading five books that have been sitting on the counter for months or painting a picture...it doesn't really matter. I just thought that it would be nice to have a short term goal for the summer weeks. Plus, it will be fun to see who will actually do it and stick to it. Perhaps we should make a friendly wager...anyone out there up for the challenge?

Well, I hope that your family has a wonderful summer break and if you so happen to see me buzzing around town, driving the kids to their various activities, please stop me and make sure that I didn't forget to schedule in relaxation time into my calendar.


* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Behind the Baseline

In a town such as Franklin Lakes, it is not unusual to see kids focusing on a particular sport fairly early on in their lives. I’ve seen kids as young as 4 years of age working on their speed and agility, parents on the sidelines snapping pictures and videotaping the beginnings of a most promising career.

Wanting to give our kids the chances we never had when we were growing up, we eagerly sign them up for a sport that we feel suits their talents, purchase all necessary equipment as well as accessories for their given sport, research area coaches to help give our kids the leg up and then happily dawn on our chauffeur cap in order to shuttle them to their practices, games and tournaments.

Then after all the sacrifices…the umbrella fights in the cold rain, the constant driving back and forth through unyielding traffic, the missed family dinners and quality time we desperately need as a family unit, and the late night homework shuffle …we find ourselves pacing the sidelines like a caged animal as we watch the game unfold and witness the not so bright moments of our young athletes. What are you doing?....Run!!....No, HIT the ball…oh for goodness sakes….

Does any of this sound familiar?

Now, as a parent of a young athlete, I must say that I have been there, done that.

My oldest is a tennis player, but let me start by saying that I most certainly did NOT push her into tennis. This was truly a decision she made on her own and I constantly remind her that if it ever gets to be too much, all she needs to say is “enough.”

So, with that said, when we began playing tennis (I say “we” because this was truly a learning process for the whole family) I soon became a crazy tennis mom. Yes, I admit it. I would sit at her practice for 2 hours straight each day (she practices 5 days a week) speaking to veteran parents behind the baseline, gleaning any pertinent information…watching ….analyzing ….hoping that this could turn into something truly promising (like it did for my cousin who got a full ride to Princeton University….way to go Sarah!)

After months of hard work, we were ready for our very first tournament. I stood under the awning, trying to hide from the intensity of the summer sun….my heart racing, stomach churning, palms sweating, watching with baited breath as the little yellow ball bounced back and forth sometimes seemingly hovering over the net. Every point played felt as if it lasted an eternity.

From nearby courts, I could hear the shuffling of feet, clapping, grunts and occasional raised voices as parents fight with one another while their children battled on the courts (FYI: Tennis parents are vicious!) Finally, it was over….my daughter came in second, losing to a fellow teammate. With heads held high, we congratulated the winner and headed to the car. Needless to say, the hour long car ride was not fun. Frustrated with the performance I just witnessed, I laid into her, lecturing her the entire way home. What happened?....You have to want to win!....You have NO DRIVE!...turn with the hips…. concentrate….follow through….blah blah blah.

I told you I was a crazy tennis mom….

By the time we arrived home, I was hoarse and my daughter was crying…..and for what?! Tennis?

Luckily, my husband who is always the voice of reason (please don’t tell him I said that) told me about his experience as a young aspiring tennis player. He explained how we can’t take the fun out of a sport because when he was a young teen, his father pushed him so hard that eventually he hated the sport and refused to play. Does this sound familiar?

So I thought long and hard about why we want our children to play a sport.  Is it so that they can receive college scholarships, join the Olympic team, play in the US Open? No, although that would be great.

We want them to play a sport so that they can build up their self confidence. I want my children to be confident (not cocky…there is a fine line) and to know who they are and what defines them. I want them to be happy.

So, does my daughter still love tennis? Absolutely. Do I still drive her all over Bergen County for practices and drills? Sure. Does she still compete in tournaments? Of course...but now my husband takes her.

Do you know parents who are living vicariously through their children? Were you one of them?

* This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Mom-Petitors

Now, I feel that it is safe to say that we are all very proud of our children and of their accomplishments, whether big or small. I also feel that it is safe to say that most adults would be happy to hear about accomplishments that other children have achieved, whether they received straight A’s on a report card, or have become an accomplished musician or athlete, or if they are just an all around great kid. However, what do you do when you come face to face with a hard core "Mom-petitor"? 

What's a Mom-petitor? Oh, you know.....one ofthose mom's who likes to compare her child to everyone else's, just to make sure that they are where they should be, which in her mind is ahead of yours. 

Have you run into any of these lovely women? I must say that so far my experience in Franklin Lakes has been very pleasant, although I can't say the same for some of my girlfriends (pssst....don't worry.....what goes around comes around....) 

Now, when I was a kid, I was an unwilling participant to the "let's compare our kids" madness. Mind you, my mother was a "Tiger Mom", albeit a lenient one and all her friends were pretty much the same. Unfortunately for my dear mother, I never seemed to be considered one of the "top" kids in our group of friends. It was always, so and so scored a perfect SAT score, so and so got into Harvard, so and so got into Medical school, so and so surprised her mother with a brand new Mercedes for her birthday...can I barf now? Ugh, seriously....a Mercedes why not the Porsche?Please… 

It wasn't that my mom sought out this information that made me feel totally inferior, on the contrary, she tried her best to avoid these discussions (I would too if I had a daughter like me, but that's a story for another day). However, when you're standing face to face, or stuck in a corner with one of these competitive, no EQ type of mom, you have no choice but to listen and try to smile politely as you secretly grind your teeth and wring your hands, hoping that something catastrophic would occur so you could make your escape (which of course never happens). 

I grew up hating...absolutely despising some of the kids in our community. Even to this day if my mom mentions "so and so's" name I cringed! I know, I know, I'm older now and I should be able to look past all that, but those crazy "mom-petitors" made my life miserable when I was younger and I honestly think that they scarred me. 

In fact, one evening a bunch of our old college friends got together for dinner in New York. We were having a blast, talking and laughing while the kids all played nicely in the family room. All of a sudden a friend of ours says, "Hey kids, let's all come to the piano and have a little concert. You can all play a piece that you have been working on. How does that sound?" WHAT!?  How does that sound? It sounds awful! 

As I watched the children file into the living room, everything suddenly went into slow motion as if in one of those action movies.....I leaped over the kitchen table, stumbled across the hallway into the living room, yanked my two kids from the lineup, glanced at my imaginary watch, hollered to the hostess that we had to leave because it was getting late, as I tossed our shoes and jackets into my bag and flew out of the house. Made it….we’re safe….whew! That was close! 

Have you ever been in a situation where you fled the scene of an impending "kid comparison" setup? How did you cope with the situation? 

Alright, perhaps I overreacted just a tad, but I never liked being compared to other kids when I was younger and I don't want to put my children through that either. I want my kids to be confident in whom they are and not undermine them by comparing them to others. Now, mind you, I am by no means saying that I don't occasionally compare my kids to other children...I am, after all, still human.......I'm not perfect (believe it or not....hee hee). 

So to all the "mom-petitors" out there, I'm happy that your child was potty trained right out of the womb, and that they can speak 3 languages at age four, take college courses while in elementary school and earn $60,000 just over the summer......but, can they do this?!......oh, right.....you can't see me......oh well, it's probably for the better....

*This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Overbooked! No Time To Breathe

Now, I know that I shouldn’t complain. Here I am…. a wife to a wonderful husband who works his tail off so that I can have the option to stay home, while trying to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up….mother to three fairly well behaved children, except for when they drive me absolutely batty….and part owner of a goofy “non-shedding -midsized” dog or should I say horse (isn’t there a law against false advertisement… I should get my money back so that I can replace the vacuum that broke due to all the “non-existent” fur)….so what am I complaining about? Well, that’s easy…I’m too busy.

I see you rolling your eyes….poor little Franklin Lakes housewife….she’s too busy…getting a mani and pedi, hanging out at the salon, playing tennis at the club, meeting for lunch while “discussing”  PTA and school stuff, drinking lattes and eating scones….PLEASE, get real!

The thing is, until you step into my shoes (or stilettos…I do so love my stilettos) you have no idea how crazy my life is. I’m not claiming that I’m the only mom in Franklin Lakes who is insanely crazed and busy…on the contrary, I actually think that most moms in town are in the same situation.

 I admit that I get the occasional mani and pedi, and the hour at the salon is “me” time, I play tennis when I can so that I get some exercise and I do have PTA meetings, but never over lunch and I don’t drink lattes – they make my tummy hurt. But, this not what I’m talking about… the problem is that we as a family are way overbooked, over scheduled and over committed!

Ya get it?! Do you agree?

The root of the problem is that I’ve always wanted to give my kids the opportunity to do things that I never got to do. I want them to pursue things that interest them, take classes in things that inspire them and learn things that my husband and I deem important to their future. So, I asked the kids what they wanted to do….enrolled them in a billion classes in places as local as the Karate place on Franklin Avenue all the way to Timbuktu and thus started living our lives out of our car.

Life started to get hectic fairly quickly ,especially since I’m the primary chauffeur (I’m sometimes in the car, non-stop, for 5-6 hours, driving around and around and around…sometimes not getting home until 9:45pm.) We are doing so many things and going in so many different directions, that I had to simplify my life…yes, I gave up the paper calendar and converted to Google Calendar and boy was that the right move. Now, everything is color coordinated with little bells to remind me of classes, activities, appointments, lunch dates, shopping trips (just kidding…..not really) and I can even keep track of the Philadelphia Eagles game times when football season starts …how cool!

Our family motto: If it’s not on the calendar, then it’s not happening!

Now don’t think that you can look at this calendar and know everything that happens in our lives, because I still keep certain things in my head, and even though there is some sort of method to the kaleidoscope of colors on my calendar, trying to decipher it may give you a headache.

Everything in our lives has been orchestrated to the last second….we are so jammed packed that there’s barely any room for the slightest delay, let alone breathing….there is no time for rain, sleet or snow, grannies on the road, tractors (I’m stuck behind these everyday on Colonial Road….sucks!) or bathroom breaks….didn’t you just go 10 hours ago?! Geez!

The funny things is, that although we now have the schedule flowing perfectly…and believe me, it was a feat trying to schedule 24 lessons/classes between the three kids in a weeks time (and we do this week after week, month after month), all I want to do now is come to a full stop.  

I’m constantly stressed and now, my kids, for whom this was all done for, are stressed and tired. Can you relate? Do your kids ever feel this way?

The problem I’m having is that as I look at the well crafted master calendar (hold on as I gag….just giving myself some props….clap clap), there is really nothing that I can take out, except for one or two things here and there. The bulk of the schedule seems necessary. So, what am I to do? Any suggestions? Therapy?

We can’t cut out language, because we want our kids to at least be able to understand our families when they come to visit….we can’t cut out music, because we feel they should all be able to play at least one instrument (poor playing is better than no playing – right?)….and we can’t touch the tennis, ballet or karate because physical activity is important, especially in this day and age of video games and Youtube. So, you see my dilemma?

I wish I was as brave and bold as my friend K.J. who told me once that she cancelled all classes and activities for an entire month…..wow, could you imagine? The kids would go to school in the morning, come home in the afternoon and that’s it! You’re in for the night!! True family time…..just like the good old days.

I don’t think it is all that healthy for the kids to be so over scheduled, but now that I’m here, how do I change it?

How crazy is your schedule? How have you pared down your family’s activities and commitments? Does anyone have a copy of the documentary “Race to Nowhere”? And most importantly, what’s the name of your psychologist? I need to make an appointment…..although my first availability is about 6 months out….HELP!

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site