I'm Still Breathing!!!!

Yes, believe it or not, I'm still alive and kicking.

This has been one crazy year and I must really try to make an effort to continue my blog....why? Because I love writing.

So what in the world could have kept me from blogging? Well......hmmmm....what a loaded question.

First off, I was an idiot and agreed to be the PTA president of my daughters elementary school....yes, they saw the "Sucker" sign on my forehead and said "Ask her!!!" So, now my house is in shambles, laundry piled up to the sky and kids are barely eating what I would deam a "healthy" meal. I have emails from parents regarding anything and everything, fundraiser baskets and decorations spewed throughout my house and a monstrous size bottle of Pepcid next to my bed ....and, if that wasn't enough, I agreed to help head the Ad journal/playbill for my daughter's highschool, I'm on the Picnic committee that welcomes over 300+ children to our school, I will be helping a local Investment company with idea generation, I was asked to help play/sing in a cover band and I finally decided to take the plunge and start my journey to a new career as a web developer, while maintaining my pharmacy degree!

Phew!

Yes.....stupid is as stupid does....or as my husband said the other day....Mid-Life Crisis!

Is there anyone out there who is in the same boat? What have you been up to?

Why can't I say NO?!?!

This is a question that I ask myself time and time again when I can't find time to blog, cook, clean or sleep.

Why do i say this? Well, before I dive into that conversation, let me just say how lucky I am. Really! I'm lucky that family hasn't disowned me yet and that my husband hasn't asked for a divorce.

You see, I just can't say no when asked to help out at the school. I'm not talking about the occasional lunch duty or library mom.....I'm talking about starting this school year by saying:

"Yes, I will be willing to be the PTA president."

"Oh, it's a two year commitment? No problem."

"Yes, I can definitely do the monthly newsletter for the high school."

"Yes, I can easily build a whole new website for the PTA."

"Oh and the constant contact thing? I can totally set that up and get it running for two different school districts. No problem!"

"Yes, I will be willing to do the 80+ page playbill/ad journal for the high school musical."

Piece of cake......

Really? What in the world am I smoking? Actually, I don't smoke, but seriously..... what's wrong with me? 

You would think that after spending fours years on the Education Foundation (two of which I was co-president) I would high tail it and run for the hills when approached to help the schools, but in all honesty......I actually enjoy it. 

Ugh! Yes!

I. Enjoy. It.

There, I said it. grumble....grumble....

I enjoy working 80-100 hours a week and not collect a single penny.

I enjoy having one meal a day and have it be a frozen dinner because I'm busy working on PTA stuff.

I enjoy being the only nut who is awake at 4am working on a flier because I can't find the perfect font. Can you say font freak? That's me! The end all be all of font freakism.

No, but seriously, I really do enjoy it. It all makes it worth while when I see the children benefit from something that I was a part of.

And it gives me a way to be creative.....

We had a teacher breakfast the week before the kids came back and I think they really liked it. I put together a little gift from me to them as a small token of my appreciation, with my phone number on it. (That may prove to be a mistake, but so far so good!)

We welcomed the teachers with French toast, bacon, sausages, eggs, Coffee, juice, and fresh fruit.....and of course, French Cafe Music.

Welcome set up for Teacher Breakfast.....

I got this idea from Pinterest....

The feedback I got was amazing! The teachers were so happy to get a warm breakfast and they loved the whole set up.....one teacher asked if they could have this everyday - she felt as if she were in France.

So, although I may complain and not get any sleep these next two years......it will be worth it. I love to see the smiles and know that I had a hand in it!

So, to all the PTAs, PPOs and all the other acronyms I can't think of right now....ask me to help, why not...... I'm in a giving mood and here is a little tip.....I can't say no. 

Am I Asking Too Much?

Has there ever been a time in your life when you sit there and think....."What am I doing wrong?"

(Ugh.....of course, the kids are still up at 10:20pm on a school night when they should be sleeping .....wait a second as I go and have a mommy dearest moment.....)

ok ~ back

Right, what am I doing wrong......Well, this little question has been plaguing my mind for awhile and the reason for this post is because I am trying to figure out if I'm being totally ridiculous. When I think of my parenting "skills", if you can call it that, part of me says....you're doing a great job.....you're a good mom. Then, when we hit one of those bumps in the road....the other part of me shakes her head and screams.....you're messing up....you're being too hard on them and you're going to ruin them forever!


Am I? Do I expect too much from my children?

In all honesty, I don't think that I do, but maybe my prospective is off. Maybe I need to re-evaluate the situation.

My kids do a thousand and one things, to the point that I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, but these are activities that they love and enjoy, so.....I take them even though we are way overbooked.

Then, when it's time to study, I expect them pull their weight. I expect them to complete their homework and projects on time and to study when they need to. If they need help, they know to ask for it, otherwise, I assume they are doing ok.....I'm not one to correct their homework, because I feel the teachers need to see what they are doing right or wrong....so, I do not check their assignments - I just remind them to get it all done.

Some of my friends and family have suggested that maybe I'm too hard on the children when it comes to academics - that I expect to much - "Jules, they can't be perfect." The thing is, I'm not asking for perfection.

Really, I'm not.

I'm just asking for As. That's it. A simple A.

I know you're thinking I'm a Tiger Mom. Well, here's a little background reading that might shed some light on that issue.

I'm not the type of mom that puts her kids in all the top classes and demands straight As. I am, however, the type of mom who expects her kids to do well in the courses they are placed into by their teachers. Is this wrong?

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think so..... If you can spend hours on the computer playing Mine Craft or watching My Little Pony or reruns of Victorious..... you can study a little bit and get at least a 90% on your test (see....I'm not even asking for 100%).

But.....perhaps this is too much pressure.....maybe, I need to take a step back.....hmmmmm

The jury is still out on this one.

My take - you work hard....you play hard.

I might expect a lot from them academically and we definitely burn the midnight oil here, but we also make sure that we make the most of our family time.....when we get them.

What are your thoughts.....this is such a fine line.....how do you balance out your expectations?

Geeks Rule the World

So, it's been over a week since I wrote this post and I've had some time to edit and contemplate if I should or should not post it.

Obviously, you're now reading this, so here we go.....

Let's talk about an issue that strikes a cord with many of us. No, it's not religion and it's not politics....well at least not politics as in the who's ruling our country thing....but more like "politics" as in who's ruling our schools.

You see...today, like every other day, I was driving my son to school....and  like every other day, I tried to give a little motherly advice. I like to use this precious time I have with the kids to administer a little "word to the wise", with the sincerest hope that it will help them deal with various issues that might arise during the course of the day -- and believe me, there are a lot of issues in middle school.

So, this brings me to why I am writing this post. I'm a bit annoyed at myself. As I drove towards the school and started my little "talk", I was instantly shocked with what was coming out of my mouth. The advice I was giving was not at all what I believed in and I couldn't fathom why I would even suggest this to my child. (in retrospect, my "advice" stemmed more from fear/worry) What did I say? Well, read on.

Now, my son is an artistic and a fairly smart kid. He is as skinny as skinny can be, non-athletic and just down right......"geeky" as he would call himself. He knows he has weaknesses, but most importantly, (and I love this about him) he knows he has strengths....he knows himself and he is comfortable with who he is.

My son...I wish I could see the world through his eyes

Luckily and surprisingly, my son really has not be been "bullied" according to him. He has had a few run ins with certain kids, but nothing major - yet. However, because of those incidences, calls from the school and information that was shared with me in confidence by other mothers regarding their kids -- I basically told my son, on that car ride to school, that when it comes to the bullies, "I want you to ignore them and mind your own business"? Say WHAT? .....slap-slap-slappity-slap-slap!

Ugh! Really? Did I really just say that?

I have always taught my kids to try and stay above the fray. But, now it seems more like resignation and defeat:

If they push you, just be the better person....
If they call you names, just try and ignore them.....
If you see kids doing something they shouldn't, stay out of it.....
If they...
If they...
If they...

Well, truth be told, part of me wishes I told him - If they bother you, I want you to...

STOP them!
PUSH back!
FIGHT back!

Yea! That's right!...shuffle-shuffle-punch-punch....take that and that and that! 

Let them know that you are not afraid and you will stand up for yourself.

My only hesitation with this plan is that when kids do fight back (and I've seen this happen), they end up being the ones reprimanded....they are either singled out in front of the whole class (which makes things worse),  called down to the Principal's office or in some cases suspended. For what?? For finally taking a stand, while the bullies don't even get a slap on the wrist.

So, what are we teaching our kids?

Is this fair or just? What should I be telling my kids? Should I be telling them to turn the other cheek? Shouldn't I be telling them to fight and stand up for themselves and others like them?

My son has only been occasionally picked on and it hasn't really bothered him too much. I think it bothers me more. We are lucky that he is confident in himself and that he embraces his geekiness, despite what the bullies might say or do. But, I can't help wondering if I need to rethink my advice.

It seems like such a hard line to walk....fight - don't fight.... what do you do?

What have you done to help your children cope with injustice in the school hallways?

How have they learned to deal with bullies and what suggestions might you have?

But, all is not lost. Recently, I heard that there was a study that came out showing that when bullies grow up, they end up working for the so called "geeks and nerds". So, in the grand scheme of things..... the bullies may rule the schools but the Geeks Rule the World.

**update **


It must have been fate, but as I was writing this post, I came across a very powerful and amazing poem/video by Shane Koyczan. This is a very moving and inspirational.

Wait! Let me cover my ears!!

Hear No Evil
Photo taken by Syd (my youngest)

I am by no means a prude. hee hee....I always thought that was a funny word and it's even funnier when you say it out loud...prude, prude, prude.... reminds me of prunes......hahahaha...ok, let me compose myself.

Now, as I was saying, I am by no means a prude (chuckle chuckle), defined as:

-a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum - Merriam-Webster (Priggishly? Really? Am I the only one who grinds their teeth when a simple definition search turns into a treasure hunt?)

-a person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity - Google

I'm perfectly okay with songs that might use explicit words or videos that might be somewhat risqué, but why is it that recently, I find my ears shouting UGH!!!! Stop it!.......Turn it off!

Perhaps, I'm getting too sensitive or maybe I'm just getting old or could it be that some people are given just a little too much leeway?

I recently attended a fundraiser for our schools, one that I have gone to for many, many moons and I have always enjoyed myself. But, this year, I left feeling slightly appalled. It wasn't the event that got my knickers in a bunch, but rather the DJ.

Here we are on the dance floor....parents, teachers and school administrators boppin' and dancing (if you can call it that) and having fun. Then the DJ, who mistakenly thought he was the next Ryan Seacrest, starts to do his thing. At first it was typical DJ blather, but as the night progressed, so did his comments.

He went from "men....put your tie around your ladies neck" to "ladies, I want to see you butts making circles" to "men grab your stuff"......Ewww.....Yuck!!!!!..... I really don't need that image in my head... I even recall him using the "B" word.....HELLO? This is a school event! Am I right in being somewhat disgusted with that? Or, maybe I'm just getting old.

So, that was Friday. Fast forward to Wednesday morning...

Now, when it comes to radio stations, I am a station hopper....why? Because I love music. I prefer not to listen to radio personalities who talk just for the sake of talking and who like to sensationalize current events. I do, however, enjoy talk radio that is truly informative, such as WNYC, but I only subject my kids to that on occasion.

Moving on.....

This morning, as I was driving my fourteen year old daughter to school, we had the pop/hit radio station on. We were singing and humming along from one song to another, then the music stopped and the commentators started their usual morning banter.

Normally, I would start flipping channels, but today I was too tired. I was half listening, trying to concentrate on the traffic, until I heard them discussing that  Rhianna had posed topless and how they wouldn't mind seeing it or posing topless themselves....OMG!.....fumble, fumble....ugh....I almost swerved off the road trying to change the channel before my daughter fully understood what they were talking about. Seriously? Do they need to say things like that on a radio station? Am I the only one who finds this stuff annoying and ridiculous?

Maybe I am too sensitive, maybe I am getting old......maybe, I am becoming a priggish, prudish old nilly.

Needless to say, from now on, we will be listening to my iPod in the car.....or to WNYC.

What are your thoughts? Has this happened to you?

Wait...... before you answer, let me cover my ears.

A Relaxing Jam-Packed Summer

Summer is just around the corner...and thank God for that...I’ve been counting down the days until my kids are off from school so we can all relax. Haven’t you?

This has been a very long year and somewhat depressing with winter refusing to give up control for so long. However, now that we’ve made it through the cold and dreary months, we can happily pack away the jeans and jackets and throw on a pair of shorts and tank top—or a sundress if you’re like me — to soak up the sun and reenergize.

But, before I can fully relax, there is one more thing I must do....and that is to get the summer schedule set. WHAT?! Summer schedule are you kidding me??

Listen, maybe it’s the mini Tiger mom in me (mind you, I said mini) but, I can’t just have the kids sit at home ALL day and not have something other than computer games to keep them stimulated. I want them to get out and do things that they normally don’t have time to do...such as cutting the grass, walking the dog, weeding the garden, cleaning the garage...oh wait, that’s my list. In all seriousness, although summer is the time to relax, it is also a good time for learning and development.

Now, I’m not the mom who is going to purchase workbooks and assign page after page of math and grammar for each child, because — guess what, I’ve done it before and it never gets done, so this year, I’m not even going to try (told you —“mini” Tiger mom)

Instead, this summer we are really focusing in on things that truly interest the kids. So far we’re looking at tennis (this is pretty much a given in our household), golf, art, cooking class, computer programming and swimming. What are some fun things you are looking at for your kids?

Now, I know that these classes will only occupy a portion of their time each day, so this year I plan to spend the rest of the day at the Indian Trail Club. (We’ve been members at ITC for several years, but in all honesty, we haven’t really used the club at all. It’s beginning to resemble my gym membership!) So, this summer I will be taking (perhaps dragging) my kiddies to the club. In truth, it is a beautiful place... I especially love sitting in the Adirondack chairs looking out onto the lake...it’s a great place to just let your mind wander (and think about all the errands and chores that need to be done once you get home).

Now, with all the various activities that we are trying to schedule, we are still planning on heading out of town for some true family fun getaways. This year, as in any years, we are vacationing with the cousins from both sides of the family. Our summer road trips include various places such as Cape May, Spring Lake and Ocean City, MD for starters Have any of you been to Ocean City? Any suggestions on restaurants? (You know I’m all about the food!)

This year, I have also challenged my kids, as well as myself, to think about one thing that they would like to accomplish during the summer (you know, kind of like a New Year’s Resolution thing, which I must say I have not stuck to...bad mommy). This can be anything from learning a new hobby, writing a short story, improving your second serve, reading five books that have been sitting on the counter for months or painting a picture...it doesn't really matter. I just thought that it would be nice to have a short term goal for the summer weeks. Plus, it will be fun to see who will actually do it and stick to it. Perhaps we should make a friendly wager...anyone out there up for the challenge?

Well, I hope that your family has a wonderful summer break and if you so happen to see me buzzing around town, driving the kids to their various activities, please stop me and make sure that I didn't forget to schedule in relaxation time into my calendar.


* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Behind the Baseline

In a town such as Franklin Lakes, it is not unusual to see kids focusing on a particular sport fairly early on in their lives. I’ve seen kids as young as 4 years of age working on their speed and agility, parents on the sidelines snapping pictures and videotaping the beginnings of a most promising career.

Wanting to give our kids the chances we never had when we were growing up, we eagerly sign them up for a sport that we feel suits their talents, purchase all necessary equipment as well as accessories for their given sport, research area coaches to help give our kids the leg up and then happily dawn on our chauffeur cap in order to shuttle them to their practices, games and tournaments.

Then after all the sacrifices…the umbrella fights in the cold rain, the constant driving back and forth through unyielding traffic, the missed family dinners and quality time we desperately need as a family unit, and the late night homework shuffle …we find ourselves pacing the sidelines like a caged animal as we watch the game unfold and witness the not so bright moments of our young athletes. What are you doing?....Run!!....No, HIT the ball…oh for goodness sakes….

Does any of this sound familiar?

Now, as a parent of a young athlete, I must say that I have been there, done that.

My oldest is a tennis player, but let me start by saying that I most certainly did NOT push her into tennis. This was truly a decision she made on her own and I constantly remind her that if it ever gets to be too much, all she needs to say is “enough.”

So, with that said, when we began playing tennis (I say “we” because this was truly a learning process for the whole family) I soon became a crazy tennis mom. Yes, I admit it. I would sit at her practice for 2 hours straight each day (she practices 5 days a week) speaking to veteran parents behind the baseline, gleaning any pertinent information…watching ….analyzing ….hoping that this could turn into something truly promising (like it did for my cousin who got a full ride to Princeton University….way to go Sarah!)

After months of hard work, we were ready for our very first tournament. I stood under the awning, trying to hide from the intensity of the summer sun….my heart racing, stomach churning, palms sweating, watching with baited breath as the little yellow ball bounced back and forth sometimes seemingly hovering over the net. Every point played felt as if it lasted an eternity.

From nearby courts, I could hear the shuffling of feet, clapping, grunts and occasional raised voices as parents fight with one another while their children battled on the courts (FYI: Tennis parents are vicious!) Finally, it was over….my daughter came in second, losing to a fellow teammate. With heads held high, we congratulated the winner and headed to the car. Needless to say, the hour long car ride was not fun. Frustrated with the performance I just witnessed, I laid into her, lecturing her the entire way home. What happened?....You have to want to win!....You have NO DRIVE!...turn with the hips…. concentrate….follow through….blah blah blah.

I told you I was a crazy tennis mom….

By the time we arrived home, I was hoarse and my daughter was crying…..and for what?! Tennis?

Luckily, my husband who is always the voice of reason (please don’t tell him I said that) told me about his experience as a young aspiring tennis player. He explained how we can’t take the fun out of a sport because when he was a young teen, his father pushed him so hard that eventually he hated the sport and refused to play. Does this sound familiar?

So I thought long and hard about why we want our children to play a sport.  Is it so that they can receive college scholarships, join the Olympic team, play in the US Open? No, although that would be great.

We want them to play a sport so that they can build up their self confidence. I want my children to be confident (not cocky…there is a fine line) and to know who they are and what defines them. I want them to be happy.

So, does my daughter still love tennis? Absolutely. Do I still drive her all over Bergen County for practices and drills? Sure. Does she still compete in tournaments? Of course...but now my husband takes her.

Do you know parents who are living vicariously through their children? Were you one of them?

* This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Mom-Petitors

Now, I feel that it is safe to say that we are all very proud of our children and of their accomplishments, whether big or small. I also feel that it is safe to say that most adults would be happy to hear about accomplishments that other children have achieved, whether they received straight A’s on a report card, or have become an accomplished musician or athlete, or if they are just an all around great kid. However, what do you do when you come face to face with a hard core "Mom-petitor"? 

What's a Mom-petitor? Oh, you know.....one ofthose mom's who likes to compare her child to everyone else's, just to make sure that they are where they should be, which in her mind is ahead of yours. 

Have you run into any of these lovely women? I must say that so far my experience in Franklin Lakes has been very pleasant, although I can't say the same for some of my girlfriends (pssst....don't worry.....what goes around comes around....) 

Now, when I was a kid, I was an unwilling participant to the "let's compare our kids" madness. Mind you, my mother was a "Tiger Mom", albeit a lenient one and all her friends were pretty much the same. Unfortunately for my dear mother, I never seemed to be considered one of the "top" kids in our group of friends. It was always, so and so scored a perfect SAT score, so and so got into Harvard, so and so got into Medical school, so and so surprised her mother with a brand new Mercedes for her birthday...can I barf now? Ugh, seriously....a Mercedes why not the Porsche?Please… 

It wasn't that my mom sought out this information that made me feel totally inferior, on the contrary, she tried her best to avoid these discussions (I would too if I had a daughter like me, but that's a story for another day). However, when you're standing face to face, or stuck in a corner with one of these competitive, no EQ type of mom, you have no choice but to listen and try to smile politely as you secretly grind your teeth and wring your hands, hoping that something catastrophic would occur so you could make your escape (which of course never happens). 

I grew up hating...absolutely despising some of the kids in our community. Even to this day if my mom mentions "so and so's" name I cringed! I know, I know, I'm older now and I should be able to look past all that, but those crazy "mom-petitors" made my life miserable when I was younger and I honestly think that they scarred me. 

In fact, one evening a bunch of our old college friends got together for dinner in New York. We were having a blast, talking and laughing while the kids all played nicely in the family room. All of a sudden a friend of ours says, "Hey kids, let's all come to the piano and have a little concert. You can all play a piece that you have been working on. How does that sound?" WHAT!?  How does that sound? It sounds awful! 

As I watched the children file into the living room, everything suddenly went into slow motion as if in one of those action movies.....I leaped over the kitchen table, stumbled across the hallway into the living room, yanked my two kids from the lineup, glanced at my imaginary watch, hollered to the hostess that we had to leave because it was getting late, as I tossed our shoes and jackets into my bag and flew out of the house. Made it….we’re safe….whew! That was close! 

Have you ever been in a situation where you fled the scene of an impending "kid comparison" setup? How did you cope with the situation? 

Alright, perhaps I overreacted just a tad, but I never liked being compared to other kids when I was younger and I don't want to put my children through that either. I want my kids to be confident in whom they are and not undermine them by comparing them to others. Now, mind you, I am by no means saying that I don't occasionally compare my kids to other children...I am, after all, still human.......I'm not perfect (believe it or not....hee hee). 

So to all the "mom-petitors" out there, I'm happy that your child was potty trained right out of the womb, and that they can speak 3 languages at age four, take college courses while in elementary school and earn $60,000 just over the summer......but, can they do this?!......oh, right.....you can't see me......oh well, it's probably for the better....

*This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Overbooked! No Time To Breathe

Now, I know that I shouldn’t complain. Here I am…. a wife to a wonderful husband who works his tail off so that I can have the option to stay home, while trying to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up….mother to three fairly well behaved children, except for when they drive me absolutely batty….and part owner of a goofy “non-shedding -midsized” dog or should I say horse (isn’t there a law against false advertisement… I should get my money back so that I can replace the vacuum that broke due to all the “non-existent” fur)….so what am I complaining about? Well, that’s easy…I’m too busy.

I see you rolling your eyes….poor little Franklin Lakes housewife….she’s too busy…getting a mani and pedi, hanging out at the salon, playing tennis at the club, meeting for lunch while “discussing”  PTA and school stuff, drinking lattes and eating scones….PLEASE, get real!

The thing is, until you step into my shoes (or stilettos…I do so love my stilettos) you have no idea how crazy my life is. I’m not claiming that I’m the only mom in Franklin Lakes who is insanely crazed and busy…on the contrary, I actually think that most moms in town are in the same situation.

 I admit that I get the occasional mani and pedi, and the hour at the salon is “me” time, I play tennis when I can so that I get some exercise and I do have PTA meetings, but never over lunch and I don’t drink lattes – they make my tummy hurt. But, this not what I’m talking about… the problem is that we as a family are way overbooked, over scheduled and over committed!

Ya get it?! Do you agree?

The root of the problem is that I’ve always wanted to give my kids the opportunity to do things that I never got to do. I want them to pursue things that interest them, take classes in things that inspire them and learn things that my husband and I deem important to their future. So, I asked the kids what they wanted to do….enrolled them in a billion classes in places as local as the Karate place on Franklin Avenue all the way to Timbuktu and thus started living our lives out of our car.

Life started to get hectic fairly quickly ,especially since I’m the primary chauffeur (I’m sometimes in the car, non-stop, for 5-6 hours, driving around and around and around…sometimes not getting home until 9:45pm.) We are doing so many things and going in so many different directions, that I had to simplify my life…yes, I gave up the paper calendar and converted to Google Calendar and boy was that the right move. Now, everything is color coordinated with little bells to remind me of classes, activities, appointments, lunch dates, shopping trips (just kidding…..not really) and I can even keep track of the Philadelphia Eagles game times when football season starts …how cool!

Our family motto: If it’s not on the calendar, then it’s not happening!

Now don’t think that you can look at this calendar and know everything that happens in our lives, because I still keep certain things in my head, and even though there is some sort of method to the kaleidoscope of colors on my calendar, trying to decipher it may give you a headache.

Everything in our lives has been orchestrated to the last second….we are so jammed packed that there’s barely any room for the slightest delay, let alone breathing….there is no time for rain, sleet or snow, grannies on the road, tractors (I’m stuck behind these everyday on Colonial Road….sucks!) or bathroom breaks….didn’t you just go 10 hours ago?! Geez!

The funny things is, that although we now have the schedule flowing perfectly…and believe me, it was a feat trying to schedule 24 lessons/classes between the three kids in a weeks time (and we do this week after week, month after month), all I want to do now is come to a full stop.  

I’m constantly stressed and now, my kids, for whom this was all done for, are stressed and tired. Can you relate? Do your kids ever feel this way?

The problem I’m having is that as I look at the well crafted master calendar (hold on as I gag….just giving myself some props….clap clap), there is really nothing that I can take out, except for one or two things here and there. The bulk of the schedule seems necessary. So, what am I to do? Any suggestions? Therapy?

We can’t cut out language, because we want our kids to at least be able to understand our families when they come to visit….we can’t cut out music, because we feel they should all be able to play at least one instrument (poor playing is better than no playing – right?)….and we can’t touch the tennis, ballet or karate because physical activity is important, especially in this day and age of video games and Youtube. So, you see my dilemma?

I wish I was as brave and bold as my friend K.J. who told me once that she cancelled all classes and activities for an entire month…..wow, could you imagine? The kids would go to school in the morning, come home in the afternoon and that’s it! You’re in for the night!! True family time…..just like the good old days.

I don’t think it is all that healthy for the kids to be so over scheduled, but now that I’m here, how do I change it?

How crazy is your schedule? How have you pared down your family’s activities and commitments? Does anyone have a copy of the documentary “Race to Nowhere”? And most importantly, what’s the name of your psychologist? I need to make an appointment…..although my first availability is about 6 months out….HELP!

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Bedtime Battles

I need some advice. I want to know what time do your kids sleep and most importantly, how do you enforce it?!

We are a family of night owls. Starting with my husband who works a whole lot of graveyard shifts, to me, Miss Stay-up-until-3 a.m. I know, I know, you’re thinking…..What can possibly be so important that she’s up at this crazy hour?

Well, obviously you haven’t played Words with Friends. I am absolutely ADDICTED!!! Currently, I’m engaged in 10 word battles with various opponents and I’m always looking for another fix or opponent, so look me up if you want to play! (Seriously, I think I might have a problem. Is it bad when you’re all bleary eyed and exhausted, lying in bed with the iPad propped up next to you, waiting for your opponent to make his next move? Could this be grounds for divorce?)

In all seriousness, how can I, an admitted Night Owl get her kids to bed at a reasonable hour and expect them to actually stay there and fall asleep? How do you do it? Do you have a routine that you follow every night? I did when the kids were babies….downtime, bath time, reading and then bedtime, but can you even do this for a first, fourth and sixth grader anymore?

For my oldest, it’s hard. On a typical day she doesn’t get home until 7:45 p.m. and then of course she has to eat (this is when you know she’s my daughter….man, that girl can eat!). Once dinner is done, we are looking at 8:45 p.m. when she’s finally putting pen to paper…the poor thing doesn’t finish until 11 or 12 at night. Which brings me to the crux of the problem — I feel bad for her. She barely ever has down time, so when the weekend rolls around, I allow her to stay up. I know, bad mom, but I want her be able to relax and not feel she is always on the run…I want her to hang out with friends, watch TV….and VEG OUT!!!

Please tell me that I’m not the only parent that feels this way. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel as if we need to schedule in playtime and down time, leaving no time for sleep.

I know sleep is important and I know my daughter is tired, so I try to let her sleep in whenever possible….on Sundays she doesn’t emerge from the covers until 12 noon and on the weekdays, I drive her to school which gives her some more snooze time, but I’m still literally prying her out of bed. What’s a mom to do? What are your suggestions? What’s working in your household?

The other issue that I have is that my two younger kids feel that they should also be going to bed around the same time as their older sister. UGH!!! I start getting them ready for bed around 9 p.m. (okay, so here is where I should probably make some adjustments, I guess we could start heading up around 8:30pm)…they bathe, change into their PJs and brush their teeth.

Then for the next two and a half hours, the real workout begins. I stomp up the stairs, yelling, "No DS in bed!" (FYI – take all handheld video games away at night)…. I stomp back down stairs, then 15 minutes later….stomp, stomp, stomp….NO giggling…stomp, stomp, stomp…10 minutes later, back up again…NO Talking…stomp, stomp, stomp…5 minutes later... NO Jumping…stomp, stomp, stomp...Then 2 minutes later…..(as my head spins around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist) I scream up the stairs…THAT’S IT!!! GO TO SLEEEEEP! Or you’re in big, and I mean BIG trouble!

Then I hear the click, click, click sound of my dog, as he heads into his crate for the night….why can’t my kids obey like him? Ohhhhh...that’s a good boy…

* This is an article I wrote for an online news site

Stay-cation

Yes. I am still here. This is the first day of Winter break and I am still here in New Jersey.

When I picked up the kids from school Friday, it was absolutely wonderful, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my back, hear the birds chirping in the trees. I was thinking this may not be so bad. Now, its Saturday morning, I am sitting here typing this column, freezing, listening to the wind howl and watching flurries come down outside my window. Are you kidding me? Flurries?! Didn’t Punxsutawney Phil predict an early Spring? Calgon, take me away (I think I just showed my age with that reference).

I was definitely looking forward to this break, getting away to someplace exotic, yada, yada, yada. However, with all the craziness at home, we really didn’t get a chance to decide on where to go this year. In fact, I don’t even recall the last day I saw my husband. So, needless to say, we are now doing the Stay-cation thing.

All is not lost. The kids of course have plenty to do. They have homework (believe it or not), piano lessons, language class and daily required reading...NOT! Seriously, I’m not that bad. Actually, right now, my two youngest are upstairs playing some type of make believe treasure hunt while my oldest is playing on her iPhone.

In a way I’m kind of glad that we are not rushing off someplace. Don’t get me wrong. I would love to be basking in the sun, Pina-Colada in my hand and enjoying the view on the beach, but to get there….nightmare (plus, have you seen the prices of the airline tickets – geez).

It’s actually very nice to be able to just stay home. No school, no classes, just chilling in our PJs, eating a late breakfast and relaxing. I love just hanging around. Don’t you? I hope that we are not the only family that can stay in our PJs all day long.

This of course doesn’t mean that we are staying within the confines of the home the entire week. I actually do have a plan (or at least a general idea). Once my husband gets home from his trip, we are going to reserve a hotel room in the city, make a reservation in a fun, kid friendly restaurant (I’m thinking Ninja New York) and then spend a good portion of the day at the art museum. Have you done this before? Are there any places that you would recommend? Which art museum would be better for the children?

I must confess. I have never been to any of the art museums in the city. I just never had the time. So, this week I will make the time and take the kids. Which ones are your favorites? MoMA, the Metropolitan or the Guggenheim?  I heard that there is an amazing Egyptian exhibit currently at the Met. I think that’s where we’re headed.

So, this trip to the city will most likely take up about two days of our vacation time plus today and tomorrow (which are our PJ lounging days), that’s four days total…I still have five days left to plan.

Come to think of it, my youngest was invited to go on a play date on Monday, which means my husband and I can spend some much needed quality time with the two older children. With work and school, we really have lost touch with what really counts and that is down time with the kids. I think that a “Father & Son/ Mother & Daughter” day is now on the vacation list of things to do, so that takes care of another day.

I have also been promising my oldest daughter, for months, to help her redo her bedroom. Although I think that her room looks perfectly fine, for some reason a baby pink bedroom is just not cutting it for this FAMS student. So, we need to pick out some “cool” paint colors, buy some furniture and look for fun nick-knacks for the room. This project, I predict, will definitely take up at least 2 solid days of shopping and painting…this could actually be lots of fun! Possibly stressful, but fun in the end.

So now, I am down to about two days left in the Winter break, and I know exactly what we need to do. Since school will be just around the corner, we will need to wind down. Our last two nights of break will consist of family fun movies, board games (I love Life and Othello), lots and lots of popcorn, relaxation and of course my favorite…. PJs.

How much do you love your PJs?

*This is an article that I wrote for an online news site

Mom - Overloaded

Please tell me that I am not alone.  How many of you are like me? Overextended, spread too thin and at wit’s end, with no one to blame but yourself.

I feel that I’m in a constant state of craze. I always have 1,001 things hanging over my head, my scheduling is so tight that my “cushion” is a 10 second window and my typical grocery shopping trip is literally a pitstop to the local Market Basket to grab some eggs, fruit and perhaps a pot pie to throw in the oven (my kids love their pot pies…the Shepherd’s pie is also very tasty).

My family has since learned that dinner can range from home-cooked Chinese fare to cereal out of a box, but usually it’s something in between that's slightly decent and barely warm.  Due to extra-curricular activities, homework and work itself, it is rare that we all get to sit down and enjoy a family dinner together. Is this how it is in your home?

Life used to be so different. I used to sit back and relax, chat with friends, enjoy some tea while I writing poetry in my notebook. My daughter would play with her toys while baby Mozart played in the background. Now, I tell my friends we’ll try to get together when things calm down (which will never happen), I’m frantically scooting across Bergen County, scribbling in my calendar so I don’t forget a meeting or a task, while listening to my kids tease each other in the back of the car.

So, how did this all start? Well, eight years ago, when we moved into town, I did not know a soul. I wanted to meet people, so, once my daughter started her first year at Colonial Road School, I decided to get involved.

I signed up for anything and everything (this is what a newbie mom does). Crafts? Sure, I’ll do it. Help out with Brownies? No problem, I have the time.  Party decorations? I can go and get them, don’t worry. Library? Pizza? PTA? Ok, sign me up. Whatever you need…I can help.  (Did you do this too or was I the only crazy one?)

So, here I was, my first year as a district mom, walking up to the school in my Medusa costume carrying  a haunted house, a cauldron and trying to balance a medley of other stuff for a class party, and thinking to myself… “This is what the other mom’s do, so suck it up.”

By the end of the school year I signed my life away…a new trustee to the Education Foundation, class mom, PTA assembly coordinator, part-time Pharmacist, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring and a baby on the way…no problem at all, easy as pie, right? Talk about being delusional. Good thing I’m a pharmacist.

My calendar was soon filled. The monthly pages were splattered with a dizzying array of colored ink, each representing a meeting or an event that I had volunteered to help out at. My calendar was and still is my life, and if it’s not in there, then it’s not happening.

All the volunteer work, team practices, homework, play dates, continuing education courses, housework and the fact that the kids are getting older can be — and has been — overwhelming at times.

My house looks like a battlefield, despite my efforts to keep it clean. As for the children, lately, I find myself running to pick them up, only to realize (after waiting in a horrendously long pickup line) that they are supposed to stay after school for art. I take them home when they are supposed to be at Karate or Ballet. I schedule meetings forgetting that I need to drive my oldest to Washington Township (something I do practically every day) and I agree to play dates when they are supposed to be home for their weekly Chinese or guitar lessons.

What is wrong with me? Am I getting older? Perhaps senility is setting in….Nah, I still have a few more years before that happens. I really think that it’s because I have much too much on my plate.  Am I the only one?

This inability to say “no” has definitely prolonged my retirement from the volunteering track, and it’s not getting any better.  Even with the warning signs of forgotten activities and wrong pick up times, I am still heavily involved with the schools and I have now successfully volunteered what little time I have left to making the world greener and to helping those most in need in rural China.

Hello, my name if Jules and I am a Volunteer Junkie…why can’t I say “NO!” Can you?

* This is an article that I wrote for an online news site